I was feeling in a poetic state of mind today, so I wrote this Ode to the Facebook Warrior.
‘I am a Martial Artist and my system is the best. It is fucking shit hot and better than all the rest.
No other Martial art is a patch on what I do. I am a super ninja killer coming after.
My art works on the street, of that make no mistake. One killer look from me can make a grown man quake.
Mine is the only opinion that matters, and everybody else’s is worth shit. I think I am a legend even though most people view me as a tit.
A bat, knife or gun I can handle with ease, just as long as you don’t resist me,then to take it off you is a breeze.
My inflated ego and opinion of myself clouds my judgement to anybody else’s art. I am so fucking deadly I could kill you with a fart.
My system is so lethal that is why I don’t compete. One touch of my finger will have you collapsing at my feet.
I can punch, kick, throw and grapple. I know I’m fucking great, I can destroy all my opponents that’s if they are under 8.
I can show how to choke out an old age pensioner for daring to take your parking space. I can teach how to stomp and kick the old bastard all over the fucking place.
If you follow my methods, you know they just can’t fail, although you will probably end up practising in jail.
You will always find me on the seminars that matter for a photo and a chat, but God forgive you’ll never actually see me on the mat.
So, I live in my little fantasy world where I never will be tested or found out. My deluded students will lick my ass and jump to my every shout.
I am a self -confessed Grandmaster with a 1Oth dan belt around my belly, the truth is most of my fighting techniques I have learnt from watching the telly.
I am Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris and Van Damme all rolled into one. Mc Gregor, Rickson Gracie and Mike Tyson I could beat just for fun.
So, don’t fuck with me Face-bookers, because I am a deadly man. I suggest you view my video’s and comments as often as you can.
Anything to do with fighting then I am your man. If you want to come and challenge me then please send down your Nan.
I will hide behind my keyboard and prey I won’t be found.
If I don’t live in the real world then I’ll be safe and sound.’