Guest Article – Page 17 – Conflict Manager

Sparring for self defense training – Lex Biljsma

There is a lot of debate about sparring for self defense purposes.
I’ve noticed people bashing people who don’t spar because sparring is supposed to be the only way to train for real fights because it’s the closest thing. Other people claim they can’t spar because their system is too deadly, and sparring is not a real fight anyway.

I would like to give you my definition of sparring , why and how I use it in my classes.

What is it ?
Of course you already know this, but just to understand what I am talking about in this article I’ll explain a bit. I am talking about any life drill with one or more opponents where you train with people putting up active resistance. It can be boxing, it can be wrestling, but it can be very specific on certain techniques or training objectives. Training objectives can be technical/physical, tactical and mental. It can be with or without weapons etc.

It can get pretty close to reality, but it can also be totally different. The idea of walking up to each other, touching gloves , taking a step back, and starting to trade punches is not my perspective of a real fight. I still like it a lot because of the many helpful skills we do train.
How do I use it?
I love it as a tool for evaluation. I can see how my students perform under pressure.

Do they still have proper footwork?
Do they protect them self by having their guard up?,
Do they move correctly?
Are their aware of their surroundings?
How do they react to an opponent that puts forward pressure on them?

You can add your own, the list is not exhausted.

It gives me a lot of things to work the next x number of weeks.
In these cases I usually give my students a lot of freedom. It starts with touching gloves and is usually 1 on 1 for a number of minutes each round. The fight may or may not end up on the ground. Your opponent may or may not have a weapon hidden in his or her waistband.

It gives me things to work on but is great for students to learn about timing, moving, accuracy, strategy, trying the combinations we did in class etc.
I like to train on specific techniques/ strategies or other objectives

It gets more into the direction of self defense training when we add specific assignments or attacks. One example can be take-downs and defending them. If you want your students not to end up on the ground in a street fight you should give them the tools and opportunity to train those tools.

If you do need to take a fight to the ground it should be on your terms, and you should end up in a dominant position. This is especially for people in security and law enforcement who cannot all the time just hurt their opponent and run away. In my classes the main focus is being able to defend them though. A good reason to teach and train actual good take downs is to provide good training partners.

Some people seem to be very eager to take people down without good reason. This is where concealing training knifes come in handy. If you take the wrong person down you will be facing a knife while wrestling and usually you’ll end up full of holes like a Leerdammer (Dutch cheese).

Another thing I like to do in this situation is adding multiple opponents. Just give the assignment in class that you see a fight on the ground next to you you will “attack” the guy on top. I do not always do this because I also want them to be able to save themselves on the ground rather than stalling the fight until their classmates save them.

Mental objectives
A drill I like very much is where 1 person has to do a take-down but is not allowed to punch or kick. He is allowed to defend him self though. The other guy can move around, punch and kick to keep the guy away from him. Besides a little tactical training for the striker it’s most of all a determination drill for the take-down guy. He will have to get in close despite the attacks. There is no option to jab and step out of range again. He’ll have to get in close again and again.

Sometimes I tie each end of a judo belt up to one of the opponents so they could not step away from each other and had to continue to fight at close range. It’s not supposed to be with a hard impact but to overcome the anxiety of getting close.

With more beginner students we may want to simplify sparring more to work on some other problems that you will see.

People who flinch and panic a lot, people freezing, turning away from the opponent, people bending over too much looking at the ground etc. Obviously hard and realistic sparring is still a bridge too far. In these cases their opponent should have a more coaching job and slow the pace down. Also limiting the amount of techniques will help a lot. If you give them only straight punches to work with and specific defenses from your system , they will improve their thinking process and reaction speed. It will also build confidence better than to just keep hitting them.

I think even beginners should start training what they know under more pressure, but never more than they can handle. Sparring should always be physical and emotionally safe. Even with more advanced students you will see the reluctance to really get inside the distance to make combinations. So sometimes I create exercises where only the rear hand can be used so they have to turn their body in. In this way you can make countless varieties such as specific kicks, combinations, only hooks and uppercuts etc.

Specific attacks
There are specific attacks that happen (a lot) in street fights but not so much in an competition like setting. Think about grabbing a throat with one or two hands to choke, certain bear hugs, knife attacks, stick attacks etc.

One drill I like to use is setting the timer on 15 or 30 second rounds. Each round one guy starts with closing the eyes. The attacker does an attack and the defender defends. The attacker however does not let him defend ,and either tries harder or switches to other methods of attack, resulting in a short intensive sparring round. With knives you can of course let them keep the eyes open, or the attacker will attack the body and the defender will have to feel and then see what is going on and defend the second stab properly, this is pretty intense. It is also a way for me to create more realism and need for specific self defense techniques in the sparring rather then making it look like a boxing or MMA type of match.

Adding multiple opponents is a great tool for tactical training. You can vary the level by varying the intensity and variety of the attacks and number of opponents. This could vary from two opponents doing only straight punches to fully equipped and full contact sparring including weapons and take-downs.

Summary

The most important thing is that you set certain realistic training objectives depending of the level of the student. The drills are not supposed to break people down. They should build certain skills that will help them survive in the real world. A side effect is that a lot of people find them challenging and fun. You can vary a lot in drills to keep the classes interesting as well. The point of this article is to express my love for these type of drills and give you ideas.

DO YOU CHOOSE SITUATIONAL BLINDNESS? – Mark Hatmaker

“The only fights you truly win are the ones you don’t have.”-Lee Childs.

Keeping the above quote in mind, along with the fact that crime is a product of opportunity, we go a long way towards being “masters of self-defense” if we simply remove as many opportunities as possible from our behavior.

With that said, let me point to a bit of advice from former CIA operative Jason Hanson, who says that the number one tip he can offer to making anyone and everyone a bit more like Jason Bourne in the modern world, is simply this “always be aware of your surroundings.”

Easier said than done, right? Well, he goes a bit further by offering what he considers the number one concrete tactic to becoming aware of your surroundings-don’t use a smartphone. That’s it.

He says spy craft prohibits the use of smartphones not simply because of the tracking potential but because it encourages absorption, a retreat from where you are to some-place else that is not here.

He points to the numerous instances of car crashes related to smartphone use, but says that observation does not go far enough. He has catalogued an impressive battery of incidences where victims were chosen simply because they were the unaware animals at the watering hole with their heads down blind to their surroundings.

Least anyone think that the use of the word blind goes too far, he backs up this contention with copious examples of security camera footage of people simply blindsided in all sorts of public surroundings simply because their eyes were glued to the screen.

Two astonishing examples come to mind-the first a bar is robbed at gunpoint, the predator actually stands next to our smartphone user during the robbery. The smartphone user moves down a seat as if in courtesy giving the man next to him room. He never looks up from the screen. When the police arrive after the robbery, the smartphone user has nothing to offer in assistance, he had no idea the robbery even took place.

The second example sent to me some time back, a man boards a bus in San Francisco the camera shows EVERY other passenger with their faces glued to screens. The newest rider pulls a gun and brandishes it, no one notices it. The predator looks confused, puts the gun away, seems to think for a moment and then pulls it again, this time he uses it-the precious window of reaction to avert a tragedy has been lost.

If (if) we think “Well, I’m not that way, I’m perfectly aware of my surroundings even while I use this marvel of technology” your self-judgment goes against all the science of the brain’s executive function. We simply do not multi-task well. In a recent study of “time loss perception” smartphone users were monitored while they periodically checked their phones in a casual dining experience. They are being timed by observers on the scene unbeknownst to them.

When approached and asked how long they thought their interaction with the phone had lasted, they unanimously underestimated the phone interaction by 80%. That is, they (we) have no idea how long our attention is actually lost, how long we are blind.

Side-Rant from Mark: I’ve got a biased dog in this fight. I abhor texting and phone use in my presence. I think it’s rude, it says to the others present “Yeah, you’re here but this person that didn’t take the time to actually come out and meet with me is going to get my priority. You’re my analog booty-call.”

This behavior is displayed even by folks whom I personally like, it’s simply a cultural shift I don’t get-I admit that. It would not fly a decade ago. It would be akin to me stopping in mid-conversation, pulling out a worn paperback copy of Moby Dick and knocking off a page or two and then getting back to my fellow human. I think even inveterate texters would find that a bit odd, if not rude.

But I assure you today’s lesson is not “Mark shakes his finger at these kid’s today” it’s about being situationally aware.

Back to the topic at hand…

Blind to our dinner companions is one thing, blind to predators with a gun is another.

Since even highly trained spy personnel are told to drop the smartphone, do you think we the lesser-trained citizens of the world will be any less resistant to its temptations?

I offer a drill, for those brave enough to survive electronically-teatless for a day, dock the phone and be awake in the day. Be aware.

Shoot for a week, particularly if you found the exercise uncomfortable.
I will say, it is an oddity of the power of these devices that often when I offer some clients drills such as complete 500 burpees in the course of a single day or some other such physically taxing challenge, more often than not people step-up. They do it.
When this “wean yourself from the electronic teat drill” is offered the failure rate is far, far higher.

In short, we can’t have it both ways, we can’t be prepared operators in the world who claim to give value to awareness and self-protection and at the same time be checking every ping and chime that sounds in that electronic leash. Aware animals, operational professionals don’t text, and don’t surf the web outside of the home. It’s either no-phone or a flip-top phone that is, well, a phone.
So, ask yourself, are you aware? If you’re reading this on your phone and you are not at home, Mr. Hanson and I both would say you most definitely are not.

http://www.extremeselfprotection.com

Self Defense Pays Off – Andrea Harkins

I went to the gym the other night and when I was working out on the weights a man approached me and asked if I was a martial artist. He had noticed me wearing my gi and black belt earlier in the evening. After we spoke for a few moments he said he wanted to share a story with me about how important learning self-defense really is and how it paid off, for him.

He travels frequently for business, often out of the country. On one particular trip, however, he was in the States, in Atlanta, Georgia. After a day of work he was walking toward his parked car with a briefcase in his hand. Without warning, someone jumped him from behind. A couple of months earlier, he would not have known what to do. Since he travels so frequently, he decided a few months earlier to take an intensive self-defense course. I believe he said the course took a few weeks, with varying lessons. He knew that someday his luck would run out with the frequency of his travels to unknown places.

When attacked from behind, his self-defense instincts took over. He remembered how to throw someone over his shoulder who was grabbing from behind, and with one quick movement he successfully threw the culprit over his shoulder to the ground. The unfortunate thing is that this attacker would not easily give up. Even though he clearly hit the ground with force, he got back up and started running toward this victim. Again, self-defense instruction took over and he barely had to move, other than to stick his elbow straight out and strike the attacker thoroughly in the chin with the point of his elbow. He heard a cracking sound and was sure he broke this guy’s bone, but again, the attacker did not give up.

As my gym-mate ran and got into his car, the attacker actually jumped on his car window, as if thinking he were Spiderman, and tried to cling on. When the car abruptly started and took off, the assailant fell to the ground. Not knowing if the perpetrator was dead or alive for a moment, my friend sped off, but finally saw in his rearview mirror the man get up on his feet again. He said that if not for the self-defense training, he would have never known what to do.

I know that often we think of this type of training for women, but the truth is that these few techniques probably saved his life. The attacker had no boundary for pain, was probably on drugs, and didn’t care about the outcome. This is the most dangerous of situations. Then, he explained that his self-awareness defenses kicked in dramatically after that.

When in Paris and entering a train through a turnstile, he was again attacked from behind and pushed through the turnstile without warning. He turned and proceeded to fight back with all his might. When he was on top of the attacker ready to throw a final punch, a group of people stopped him. They explained that often people who do not have money for the fare will push foreigners or visitors through the turnstiles simply to get a free ride on the train.

Since then, whenever in Paris, he actually watches for such people and allows them through the turnstile with him. Still, there was no way he could have known this when the event first happened and because of self-defense training he knew he was not ever willing to compromise his life through an attack.

These stories are interesting because for those of us, like me, who have never been attacked, it is a good reminder that it can happen at any time and when you least expect it. A person with no martial arts training or no self-defense training is going to languish in these types of impacts.

As martial artists and instructors, we should feel compelled to at least emphasize the importance of this type of training to everyone. What would they do, today, if grabbed from behind without warning? Clearly both men and women need this type of training. For women, the problem with training seems to be two-fold. The most evident issue is that they are normally smaller than men and so they need this training just to be able to contend with a larger sized attacker.

The other, almost more important issue, is that women do not attend self-defense classes and the root of this problem really should be examined. Is it fear of what will happen in the class? Is it worry that they will look foolish? Is it concern that they have never tried it before and don’t know what to expect? I think some of these reasons are possibilities.

In order to get them to attend, instructors need to think outside the box. Free classes don’t seem to pull women in any better than those with fees. Classes with female instructors sometimes get more attendance than with male instructors, but not always. What is the key? I’m still trying to figure it out myself, but I know one thing. Traditional marketing does not seem to get a big enough response. Can we bring self-defense to the schools, the workplace, or the universities? Can we somehow showcase self-defense in a more modern approach, or make it more prevalent in the media?

All I know is that if we want more people to learn how to defend, just like my friend at the gym, then we still have a lot of work to do. One step of importance is learning to teach in a way that shares, motivates, and even slightly entertains students in order to pique interest or keep them engaged. There are a slew of options we can examine on how to successfully get both men and women to learn self-defense. One thing is for sure, though. Whether classes charge a fee, or are free of charge, Self-defense pays off.

Words As A Force Option: Part II – Tim Boehlert

“People never forget verbal abuse. It sinks deeper and festers longer than any other kind of abuse.”

“Words cut deeper and their wounds fester longer than traumas of the sword.”

Dr. George J. Thompson, Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion

My favorite Doc admission was that he was his own best student. Doc used his background and his training in rhetoric and martial arts to create a lasting legacy that we can all benefit from – who hasn’t been baited and taken the hook for a personal criticism, and then lashed out defensively without thinking? One of Doc’s great tools is learning how to deflect the negativity – his samurai depiction of moving the head to avoid the spear. You truly CAN do better. We all can.

“The choices you make while attempting clear communication can be the difference between having an average/typical evening and one that ends in the arrest of a person for taking umbrage with your message using less skillful methods.”

i.e. he pulled a knife after I asked him to leave!

Yes, it actually happened something like that.

‘On Ko Chi Shin’ = Study the old, understand the new. Something that Doc brought to the fore when developing his Verbal Judo program. Doc referenced from his Martial Arts training to Jigoro Kano, and Japanese Samurai wisdom to correlate what he was trying to do with words with what the Martial Artists did with their physical force OR wisdom. Judo was developed by Jigoro Kano after he learned more about body mechanics and physics – to move the immovable more easily. Ju – Gentle, Do – way. Truly studying from the old to understand the new – using words to move the unwilling to do what you want them to, without use of physical force.

Doc’s inspiration to name his ‘system’ Verbal Judo was Jigoro Kano, the founder of Judo. Doc pulled many ideas from his Martial Arts experience to formulate his own maxims based on his knowledge of Judo techniques and the maxims of Jigoro Kano. Doc cites many references to this in his second book on Verbal Judo: Redirecting Behavior With Words.

“Doc has been very active over the last few weeks -nudging me in a few new directions!

I’ve been doing some spending and research based on things Doc wrote in his second VJ book about the origins of VJ and the correlation between the verbal aspects and the physical techniques of Jigoro Kano. To better understand Doc’s intentions, I have to fully understand the connections to specific Jigoro Kano Maxims and techniques that Doc names and describes in the book. Trying to run down Doc’s reference to Jigoro Kano’s study at Oxford whereby he studied muscles and bones and determined that he needed to change some of his techniques based on his newfound knowledge of physiology.”

“Using verbal commands to aid in getting a situation under control can’t be underestimated – you have to tell them what you need in order for them to comply. One person should be doing the communicating. It needs to be slow, concise, and deliberate. Sometimes they fight back as their survival instinct has kicked in – they may be fighting to ‘stay alive’ only, and not fighting ‘you.’ They may be fighting your actions to control them – YOU need to make that distinction, it’s YOUR job to do that.

Don’t take the actions personally. Treat it as a negotiation. Put it in context – it may be more than you counted on or outside your experience. It could be drugs, mental health issues, MR or Autism that you are seeing and dealing with. Don’t assume anything. Be the professional, and continually re-assess your actions. To get compliance sometimes you just need to explain your actions while you’re engaging them physically to get that. Your goal is to do so with minimal damage. Explaining yourself to them may make ALL of the difference. Use your Verbal Judo knowledge and skills to get that result – safely, and compassionately. Review often. Improve your skills continually.

Here are some sagely words to live by, as outlined in Doc’s 16 Maxims from his second Verbal Judo book, ‘Verbal Judo: Redirecting Behavior With Words’:

MAXIM #1: “Move confrontations away from conclusions back to the reasoning process.”

MAXIM #2: “Help them seek new approaches rather than argue about the right answer. Never debate any point that can be resolved by examining the facts.”

MAXIM #3: “Motivate others by raising their expectations of themselves.”

MAXIM #4: “Seek what they do well, help them define their own self-worth.”

MAXIM #5: “Persuade others with their energy.”

MAXIM #6: “Learn what is in their best interests. Persuade them through an appeal to that interest.”

MAXIM #7: Direct others rather than control them.”

MAXIM #8: “Recognize their need for independence. Assume responsibility for their doing well, not for doing their job.”

MAXIM #9: “Give way in order to control.”

MAXIM #10: “Seek a middle position that will satisfy their needs and your limits. Insist on discussing principles, not personal preferences.”

MAXIM #11: “Embrace frustration with empathy.”

MAXIM #12: “Always harmonize with their pain. Lead them though their distress with reason.”

MAXIM #13: “Overcome hard with soft.”

MAXIM #14: “Ignore the impact of their insults. Enforce the authority of the institution, not the power of your anger.”

MAXIM #15: “Be disinterested when you punish.”

MAXIM #16: “When you punish for clearly defined rules violations, set aside personal indignation. Respect the authority that empowers you to discipline.”

There is a lot to be learnt from these Maxims! And I’ll leave you with: ‘11 Things You Should Never Say‘:

01) “Come Here!”
02) “You wouldn’t understand.”
03) “Because those are the rules.”
04) “It’s none of your business.”
05) “What do you want me to do about it?”
06) “Calm Down!”
07) “What’s YOUR problem?”
08) “You never…” or “You always…”
09) “I’m not going to say this again!”
10) “I’m doing this for your own good.”
11) “Why don’t you be reasonable?”

“The goal of education is to expand the mind. A person’s mind cannot be expanded unless he or she is motivated. There are many ways to motivate a person, but there is only one underlying principle: raise expectations.”

“And with thanks to my family, who might have wished I had been a quicker learner.”

Dr. George J. Thompson

Other resources:

Corrections One: http://www.correctionsone.com/writers/columnists/George-Thompson/

Dr. George J. Thompson on FaceBook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dr-George-J-Thompson/261812673873736

Kung Fu Math – Jeff Burger

Talking with Sifu Lam about the importance of skill and strength and skill vs strength and how to prioritize my training and he gave me this.
I call it “Lam’s Equation”
10 skills = 1 strength
10 strengths = 1 will

I understood the 10 skills = 1 strength piece. You simply need a skill advantage to beat a larger stronger opponent. If you don’t think size and strength are factors then you are living a dangerous misconception.

I was confused on will, I took it as meaning heart.
A fighter who has heart just keeps going, tired, hurt, losing … he presses on, but that’s not what he meant by will.
He said it meant having a real reason to fight.

I was teaching a women’s self defense seminar when one woman walked away from the practice and just sat down.

I asked her if she was OK, she said ” I’m fine, I just don’t know why I’m here. I’m never going to be able to beat a man, they’re just stronger.”
I said “What if he is trying to rape of kill you?”
She replied “Read the papers, women get raped and killed everyday.”
The group had heard this and I could feel the moral drop.
I knew this woman personally and knew she had two daughters ( 8 & 10 ) so i asked her “What would you do if someone was trying to rape and kill one of your kids?”
She pretty much snapped, her posture went from defeated and hopeless to something unstoppable and crazy, scary and said “I’d ****ing kill them.”

OK, so what happened to change things? Why is it what she couldn’t possibly do for herself was something unquestionable for her kids? Not to sound cheesy but the answer is unconditional love for her kids, she had a real reason to fight.

So I told her “Think about what would happen to your kids if someone killed you. How would your death effect them ? Who would raise them ? You need to tell yourself I’m going to be there for my kids, I’m going to watch them grow up and be there for birthday parties, Christmas present, graduations, get married and I’m going to hold my grand kids and nobody is going to take that away from me.”

I took a few things away from that experience.

1. Don’t fight unless you have a real reason, if only for the fact that you wont fight your best ( not to mention legalities ).

2. Why couldn’t she tap into that for herself ? My thought is she ( we ) don’t love ourselves unconditionally.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe because we know all our short comings, even the stuff we’d probably never tell anyone, so maybe we feel unworthy of it. As for your children, well they can have all kinds of faults and we still love them unconditionally.

3. How could she ( we ) tap into that strength? You tell yourself this person has no right to take you away from your family.

Love or Fear

Eye Contact: Observe Surroundings, Part II – Tristan Chermack

Observe surroundings

Any self-protection must involve you paying attention to your surroundings, regardless of whether there are people around. Keeping an eye on people adds a little more difficulty to the task, but it is still pretty easy to do. Let’s look at each of these separately.

When observing your surroundings, you should first be looking for anything that might pose a danger. Accidents claim more victims than predators, and self-protection skills also work with accidents. Many accidents happen because of a lack of awareness. The street crossing analogy comes into play here: look to see if you can safely cross the street regardless of what the light says. Potential threats come in many shapes and sizes, so we cannot possible tell you every way to spot them here. Keeping your eyes open for potential problems, or accidents waiting to happen, is something you must build. The practice of looking around rather than having your eyes buried in a cell phone or iPod works splendidly.

It should take a quick look around, for only a second or two, to get a decent feel for your surroundings. Familiar surroundings are easier, but you should take the time and effort to notice anyway. If a place is familiar to you, looking around can show you something that is out of place or not normal. This can be helpful to give you a heads-up that something might be amiss. Your instincts will pick up on these things, you only need to scan around and take in what you see.

If you are in an unfamiliar place or somewhere that gives you an uneasy feeling, you will probably look around a lot before becoming assured that you will be safe. This is an instinctual trait so use it. Once you have looked around extensively and still feel uneasy about where you are, you should really leave. If you cannot leave, get yourself to a position where you can see anything approaching you. This brings us to the next point about observing surroundings.

When you observe a room, you should be doing more than looking for threats. You should look for where the exits to your immediate area are. If you had to get out fast, which ways could you go? These exits are also entrances. We will discuss observing your surroundings for people next, but you should know where they come in so you can see who comes into your area. Knowing where the exits are is a good habit to build.

Another thing to watch for with your surroundings is where you are in them. Are you in a place where you can be approached by someone without noticing they are coming? In the best case, you should be somewhere that you easily notice people approach you. It is also best that you are in a place that has an exit handy from any given direction. The last thing you want is to be cornered by a threatening person, with nowhere to go to escape.

One last thing to look for in your surroundings is obstacles. They can provide a place for you that make approach difficult. It may happen that you notice a bully or group of potential bullies coming and want to stay out of their path. Rather than running for an exit, you can position yourself near obstacles to make it difficult to get to you. The great benefit of this approach is that you can usually move there casually without drawing attention. It will be easy to notice if the people you are concerned about are approaching you, and then you can move to an exit if it appears they are coming for you.

If you have ever been in the same room with a bully, you may have experienced looking at your environment in these ways. It is best to have an idea of what is around you before that panic hits and you are desperately looking for where to exit. We believe in preparing early, and this is a perfect example. It takes only a second to notice exits, so take a look. You might not need it, but if you do it is great to know already.

Now that we’ve covered the environment itself, the really important part is to watch people. You should at very least look for a moment at every person in your immediate area. If the area is very crowded, you should scan the crowd for anything that appears out of the ordinary. When you do your scan, let your instincts talk to you. They will tell you if you should be concerned.

This kind of looking around and scanning is more than glancing up from time to time. If you are sitting hunched over a book or cell phone and glance up momentarily and down, then you are missing two points: posture and observation. These two should work together.

Keep good body posture whether you are standing or sitting and scan regularly. Take your time scanning and don’t rush it. Anyone looking at you will quickly be able to tell which is more important to you: looking around or not paying attention to surroundings. It is okay to be absorbed in a book or texting with someone, but go to a place where you are safe to do so and look up and around frequently.

It is very common to watch for people when you know they might be present, and it is almost always someone you already know to be a potential threat. Kids who are around bullies learn to watch for their bully through pure fear. They are constantly scanning so they can see them coming and get out early.

One thing to add here, which is something more common to adults than children, is that purposefully not making eye contact is also a signal. Take care not to think that this is imperceptible because it is. If a potential predator looks at you and you are intentionally avoiding eye contact, he will very likely be able to tell. This is a signal of pure fear, which is not the signal you want to send. A confident person does not fear making eye contact.

Once you make eye contact, what you are thinking is pretty easily conveyed through your facial expressions. I’m not talking mind reading here, but simple mood and attitude. What is on your mind will affect the signals you are sending, so take care of what is on your mind. Be smart, not oblivious – confident, not fearful. This type of communication is fascinating, but not within the scope of this article.

What we take in about our surroundings and the people within it is crucial to avoiding trouble. You can think of it this way: your goal is to see trouble before it sees you. A predator decides when and where he will strike, which is powerful. Predators will avoid targets which are aware (hard to approach undetected) and do not look like good opportunities. They will dismiss inviting targets which are not in a good place or time to strike. The first indicator is eye contact or lack thereof. An unobservant target is very inviting. You might never even make direct eye contact with a predator. He may very well dismiss you as a potential target merely because he sees you scanning the area, staying aware, and appearing ready. It is so much better to avoid being targeted early than try to evade a predator who has already chosen you as a target.

Eye Contact: Your First Signal and More, Part I – Tristan Chermack

Making eye contact is something we do many times each day, and we may not even realize it but we all use it to communicate, consciously or not. Eye contact is a subset of body language and this article is meant to be an introduction to this language and how it works, with a particular focus on how it pertains to the art of self-protection.

There are excerpts here from my book “What the Bully Doesn’t Want You to Know – A Streetwise Guide to Your Bully Problem”. The book itself is focused on bully problems which children face and is written for kids and their parents. Neither the book nor this article are designed to be comprehensive works on body language, but a beginning. The reason for this article is that virtually all of what is written on body language is extremely broad and most of the material is not pertinent to self-protection or potential conflict situations.

I will expand on the material from the book to include information about adult interactions. The fundamentals are the same as they are for children and have added nuances for adults.

Let’s start with some basics. What we are talking about here is only the first few moments of eye contact. Virtually all adults realize there is far more to extended eye contact and the cues which can be learned from watching someone. Our instincts can indicate whether someone might be lying, in a bad mood, nervous, troubled, or any of a vast number of things. Let’s begin with the first impression we create when we make eye contact.

Eye contact

The importance of eye contact is hard to overstate. It is almost always the first contact we have with someone else. The eyes really are the window to your soul. The way you look at people, or don’t, tells them something about you.

Quickly lowering your eyes when you make eye contact with someone is a basic animal signal of submission and fear. This signal indicates to that person that you are weak, or at least that you think you are weaker than them. Animals reflect their ‘pecking order’ by showing signs of submission to those higher on the order than themselves. Lowering the head, and eyes, is a prime signal of submission. It is usually an unconscious response, but with a little practice you can learn to send a signal of confidence to those around you.

First, let’s define what you should and should not do. We have already indicated that quickly lowering your eyes and head down and away from someone is submissive. So, don’t do that. Almost everyone has done this, and it is a very common habit. So what should you do? If you find you have locked eyes with someone who you feel is threatening (or just about anyone else for that matter) it is a good idea to hold their gaze for a second. And we do mean a second literally, as in one-one thousand. Holding a gaze, or staring, for several seconds or longer can be construed as a challenge. It is possible to gather a lot of information about someone in one second. Once you have held their gaze for a second, move your eyes away calmly in a HORIZONTAL direction. This sends the message to someone that you see them, and you are unafraid. In others words, you are not being submissive.

Practicing this is actually rather easy. Simply go out and do it. Here is how:

Try it a few times in the mirror. You don’t have to go overboard here; just try to get the hang of what a confident gaze looks like for you.

Start with your friends to get the hang of it. By the way, they don’t even have to know you are doing it. You might be surprised at how they react.

Next, move on to strangers or anyone else who makes you uncomfortable. This should be a little difficult at first. You want to get used to feeling uncomfortable so that it ceases to be uncomfortable at all anymore. This can be done just about anywhere. A good place to practice is in a car where people are naturally reticent about looking at the person next to them.

Continue practicing this until you have made a habit of it.

You are on the way to controlling the message you send with your eyes.

If there was one thing you should recognize when it comes to reading someone else’s eyes, it is what is called the ‘hard stare’. The hard stare is a determined look that someone is mentally prepared for a fight. It is a reflection of what has gone on in their mind, locking out distractions and trivialities, focusing purely on the task at hand which is intently watching the target.

The hard stare is easy to recognize and will probably flip a subconscious mental trigger in you that something is wrong. The stare itself is identified by the eyes being open slightly wider than usual and lack of blinking. The eyes will lock on the target and not stray. The facial muscles and chin will tighten with a stony expression, which looks more like pure determination than anger. Once you see a hard stare you will recognize it instantly. It means the decision has been made and the eyes are issuing the challenge. This is a clear sign saying “I am ready to fight you right now.” You should treat this signal as what it is: a very clear signal of imminent threat.

Along with the stare, usually the aggressive party will usually stand up or already be standing. You’ll notice the body will go into a fairly prepared stance with the knees bent and the chest will face the target. Again, this is how the brain subconsciously prepares for battle. The time for sweet talking is over and you should either calmly depart or prepare quickly for a fight. This means get near an exit, with as many friends as possible, and among cover to keep from being surrounded.

Those first moments of eye contact will leave an impression, we cannot help that. What we can do is make sure we are sending the right message, not one which looks inviting to a potential predator. We wish to send the message that we are not prey by not using the same body language that prey uses.

You could call this the external benefit of eye contact: how others see you from the outside. Next we will cover the internal aspect, which is the benefit you receive when you learn to use your eyes well.

m time to time. If you are sitting hunched over a book or cell phone and glance up momentarily and down, then you are missing two points: posture and observation. These two should work together.

Active Shooter – Dave Ashworth

Those of you who don’t know me I’ll give you a quick introduction.

My name is David Ashworth and I served in the British Army for 9 years. I spent the last half of my military service with a Covert Counter Terrorist Unit, in both an operational and training role. After leaving the Army. I then worked as a Private Security Contractor and did this constantly for 8 years, spending 5 years in Iraq and 3 in Afghanistan. I’ve provided security to Various UK/US and Foreign Government Departments, as well as high-ranking military officers and Other Government Agencies (OGAs). I have also trained teams and individuals to operate in Hostile Environments. After leaving the contracting world I went into Law Enforcement, which I continue to do now.

With the latest events in the San Bernardino, California and also in Paris, France it’s worth us revisiting the Active Shooter(s) Scenario. Which as a civilian is one of the most dangerous situations you will find yourself in. A worrying trend in the Terrorist Modus Operandi is the multiple shooter and location tactic.

Now how does that affect you as a civilian? You will either be armed or unarmed in these situations and you will have to decide what your priority is. Is it escape? Is it locating your family? Is it neutralizing the threat i.e. the active shooter(s), or is it to protect your loved ones and get them to safety. It may be to leave the scene and brief law enforcement agencies. There are so many options and it will depend on you, your mindset, your training, your will to fight or your will to survive.

So let’s look at what we need to try to survive an active shooter(s) situation. I say ‘try’ and survive because you could do everything right and still get killed by a lone gunmen because you went left instead of right. It happens! Better men than me have been killed by an act of fate, rather than by skill. It is worth noting a guy out of it on drugs can kill a Special Operations warrior just as easily as anyone else. Think about that for a minute.

I hope that’s taken a moment to sink in. Because I want to make something clear; too many people are looking for quick fix self defence techniques; “What do I do if I’m attacked like this?” People want an answer that is like, If A happens, do B, If C happens do D. Violence whether in a war zone or in the street outside the grocery store is dynamic, it changes, its a problem. The best way to deal with it is to have a problem solving attitude and train for those problems. You can drill everyday on the range and do a thousand scenarios, but when the time comes to draw down, odds are it will be none of the 1000 scenarios you went through on the range, but you can bet money, it’s close to 1 or 2 of them. So adapt to the situation and own it.

So you’ve trained in some self defence techniques and you’ve been to the range, do you think you are ready to deal with an active shooter?

Let me put it in another context: you’ve gone to the gym and done a few boxercise classes and then you’ve hit the punching bag a few times, for the last 6 months. Are you ready to step into a professional boxing match with Mike Tyson? I didn’t think so. If you do think you’re ready, we need to have a chat.

As someone who has been down range, and on the receiving end of some “almost” well-placed shots, I don’t think you can ever train enough. After those rounds have come at you, you will be wishing you’d gone to the gym more, you’d fired more rounds on the range and carried out more drills so you were quicker.

So what skills do you need to survive? Those of you who have attended any of my courses know that I push Situation Awareness; it’s my religion. You need to be aware of what’s going on around you. Anytime you step out of the house, bad things have the potential to happen. If I go anywhere outside of my home I’m aware a long shooter might decide today is his day, or some terrorist group decided its Zero hour. Sadly; it’s the World in which we live in. If I’m aware of people and how they act, their body language will give me an indicator to what they are doing and what their intentions maybe. So your head has to be on a swivel, and you will be looking for any combat indicators that something maybe about to go down.

The modern terror threat we face is multiple shooters hitting multiple target locations. So lets look at it, odds are you won’t see the shooter, you’ll have an audio cue, the shots or the screams. A visual cue, people running from the shooting, Police or security directing people. Now the next question you have to ask yourself is “How ready for this are you?”

This is really going to boil down to the training you’ve conducted prior to it going loud made you ready. Picture it, sat in the food court with your family at the mall. Bang! Screams, Bang! Bang! Bang! Are you still sat there? Are you grabbing your kids? There isn’t any point in spending thousands of dollars on range time, only for your spouse to get hit in the gun fight and you not know what to do medically. You need to train in all aspects of tactical life. The guys and gals, I’ve trained know my mantra: shoot, move, communicate, medical. They are the four factors that make a good operator, whether that be a Tier one dude, or a well-trained civilian.

Let’s say you aren’t carrying a weapon. What’s your priority? Escape right? So you noted the exits when you came into the mall, where the nearest cover was in the park. Where the elevated positions are that a shooter might use and the best place to move to if it happened. These are things that have become part of my lifestyle. I do them without really thinking about it. My students have learned that it’s not a mindset, it’s a lifestyle.

If you are armed, what are you going to do? Are you going to move to the sound of the gunfire? Are you going to draw your weapon? What will your posture be if the police see you? Are you ready to deal with this situation? What if someone mistakes you for the shooter? What if the police are given your description? What if you find injured people, do you stop and help, or move on? Do you have any medical equipment on you? Do you know how to use it? Do you have a flashlight? Do you know how to enter a room? How do you clear an open/closed door? Can you move tactically down a hallway? Can you move outside the building? Are you ready to take someone’s life to save others; this isn’t a Hollywood movie where you are going to be the hero. This is real life; if you fire a shot and it misses and hits someone it’s not aimed at, then you’ve just blown it. There are no second chances; miss the target and they might not miss you. I could spend hour’s war-gaming with you, but I just want people to start thinking about this issue. As sadly; it’s becoming a part of our every day lives. The threats are out there.

As you can see here, there are a lot of factors. I’ve only glossed over them here. I just want you to think about the situation you may find yourself in and how you plan to problem solve it.

Train hard and Stay safe,

Dave

American Krav Maga – Gabe Cohen

I do not train because I like to fight. People will ask me, “Did you see the fight last night on TV?” Whatever the latest hype may have been about, whether its UFC or boxing, etc. My answer is always the same, ”No, I did not.” Often they think I am being sarcastic but I am serious. Mainly it’s people who know me from the gym that assume I follow these fights.

“Don’t you teach that hardcore brutal Krav Maga stuff?” I answer them but without the explanation of why I don’t follow or participate in competition sport fighting.

Here is my answer…”Yes I do but we like to call it, brutally effective! But I do not enjoy sport fighting.”

Most people dont care to really listen to why I feel this way or hear about why I am so passionate about what I teach. It is sacred to me and i do not waste my time with in sincere people who just want to make small talk or rub elbows with their local “tough guy” ( at least thats my perception of how people look at me sometimes).

I do teach the mindset of total, all out aggression…if attacked. Krav Maga is a self-defense system and I teach people to walk, run away if they can. To pick up an improvised weapon if they do not possess one but if all you got is you, with no exit possible, then I teach them to do as much damage to their attacker in the least amount of time. I do have tremendous respect for people who train with everything they got in their respective martial art or competition fighting system. I just do not enjoy entertaining people hurting other people for trophy, money, sport or any reason. ( to me self –defense is justified violence and I occasionally like seeing video of a bully getting his ass kicked or victim of a crime kicking the predators ass! Guess I do have exceptions).

I have witnessed enough violence in my life in some very dark places, some in broad daylight and at night in the streets of America. I choose not to spend my free time entertaining more of it. I don’t really like violent action movies anymore (Jason Bourne an exception!). I have been a part of a very violent lifestyle in the past it in different capacities, hospitalized by it and sent a few there myself which I am not proud of but this has been my experience. Today I use my past to help people learn to keep themselves safe. It is very satisfying and therapeutic for me to teach people how to wield violence to those that wish to “ walk in peace.” Taking the things I have learned through my experience, many of them from the school of hardknocks, and not just from traditional training in a gym/dojo.

Years of being a bouncer taught me to use my “verbal Krav Maga” skills as much as possible while weathering a storm of verbal abuse and provocation. Sometimes hitting first was the best way to keep myself and others safe, I teach this too but I do not go around looking for the opportunity to use my skills. In fact I will do everything within reason to avoid a physical confrontation.

I have two sons in their early 20’s that love to box and train several times a week in it. They enjoy watching the next bout between champions. I lose potential clients that want to learn mixed martial arts “like the stuff they see in UFC” when I tell them that I incorporate many of those types of techniques, especially striking but that I teach a self -defense system. “Basically,” I say “ I teach all the stuff your not allowed to do inside the ring.”

We all have the right to defend and protect ourselves and our families. I tell people up front that they have to have the mindset that there life is at stake when they train with me. That techniques by themselves aren’t worth much for real world violence unless you’ve trained them under stress and exhaustion. Yes there are many benefits to training in any martial arts or sport fighting system, mentally, physically, and spiritually but my reason for training is for survival. Having the mental, physical and spiritual aspects in your life will only enhance our training but that is not the scope of my focus. I do not teach morals or ethics, I do not teach an art.

So if I don’t like violence and state that I don’t like spending my free time entertaining it then I can understand how this may baffle some when they see me training 3-4 hours a day in a for violence. Some people want to train with me “to learn how to kick ass” if they ever need to bugt there not really willing to put the work in. They want me to show them “magic” things that will keep them safe. Mark Slane, my instructor and founder of The United States Krav Maga Association says it well in his book, American Krav Maga:

“We get people in our gym who want to take one on one lessons from us. They want to learn the techniques…not do drills or be ran into the ground. I turn them down flat. Krav Maga isn’t just techniques. The whole mindset and philosophy that we teach make it a complete system. The philosophy of go forward, go off, go hard and destroy is what will save us in the real world.

Violence of motion trumps technique. Aggression, attitude, meanness, and looking to do major damage is what keeps us safe.”

I have had clients ask me how they can find that place in themselves. They are not used to thinking in such an aggressive manner maybe never having had to muster up such hatred and rage within them.

This was one of my biggest challenges as a new instructor because for me it’s easy to teach people how to physically perform a technique but the ability to help someone come to the understanding that they have and can tap into this aggressive mindset is a different story. Not something that was easy for me to articulate in the beginning of my American Krav Maga instructor journey.
I had a friend that was familiar with some of the “war stories” from my past and some of the more recent bouncing experiences. He asked me how I overcame that fear when I am in a fight or about to engage in a violent confrontation. He had been jumped by several guys, beat up pretty bad and had begun training with me. He said, “ How come you don’t get scared?”

After thinking about it for a moment this question led me to the answer I had been looking for to convey to others how to attain the mindset of all out aggression. To do whatever it takes to survive a violent attack. Conveying this attitude to others came to me in this round about way.

Something I had remembered reading about the psychological screening used for new volunteers applying to train for a special elite military fighting unit was that they would ask these guys what their biggest fear was. Many of these guys had that very macho attitude and would blurt out, ‘I’m not scared of anything,’ and quickly be disqualified. The reasoning was that they needed mature soldiers, men that were self aware and humble enough to recognize and acknowledge their greatest fear. If they weren’t able to do this they could jeopardize the whole team on a mission, putting everybody at risk. If your scared of heights and the whole team is waiting for you to rappel down the side of a building, you never admitted your fear, never focused on facing it, working through it then when the time comes when its life or death you freeze up. Foolish pride gets alot of people hurt and killed.

I train and diligently work hard to be as proficient as possible in my style of self defense. Criminals and predators live there lives lurking in a very dangerous destructive violent mindset. I need to go to any length to meet the challenge of having to defend myself against one of these very sick people because I have identified what one of my biggest fears. I do not want to jeopardize my team. I am responsible to protect and provide for my family. I am not a soldier but I am a father and a husband, a brother and a son I have a family that depends on me for many different things. One of the ways I can take care of them is by taking care of myself.

God forbid we are ever confronted with a horrible violent situation and put in harms way. This is what I think about when I’m training. I see my sons, my wife, my sisters and brothers, my father. I would mind set on the way down to work at the nightclubs where we had 5 of them on one block at 2,000 people in the street after last call. The mindset is, “ I’m going home tonight, safe. We don’t lose.” My family and my responsibility to them comes before anything.

“How come I don’t get scared?”
Quite the contrary. One of my biggest fears is not being able to be there for my family, to make sure their safe and secure. Especially having worked in an arena where I was putting myself and safety at extreme risk, I had better damn well know what this is all about for me. Why am doing it and who I’m doing it for. I’ve learned to identify this fear and harness it. Recognize the initial adrenaline dump and the “freeze” that’s coming in an assault or that is coming as a confrontation escalates. Being aware and knowing what to expect and how to react to this fear is key. It’s going to happen and I’m going to experience but I have a choice on how to train to condition myself on how to respond to the inevitable.

You dont have a family? think of the worst thing that can possibly happen to you, that you don’t want to happen. This is where you start, this thinking is what motivates you to go that extra mile in training and in reality. That’s how I do it.
When I’m dragging my ass in the gym or don’t feel like training or push myself to do that extra rep or sprint, I think about that if I give up in the gym then I’m giving up on my family. My motivation in training isn’t to try to be super badass and look cool in front of the mirror, have great abs and burn 800 calories or compensate for psychological hang ups like insecurity, ego or pride. No. I train and will fight for the people I love and to protect myself if need be. I do train to hurt people and teach people how to cause as much damage in the least amount of time but I pray that we will never have to use it.

Spending quality time with my family is an essential part of my training. This is where the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects come in. Of course we spend time together because we love each other and it’s conducive to a happy, healthy, functional family life but I as I savor the moments we share together it will also be a tool that I’ll reflect on when I’m working out. They are the spark that’s behind the fire in the gym or if necessary, in the street. I do not entertain violence for a pass time or for entertainment value. I do not like watching people get hurt. I am sensitive to other people’s pain…would I, could I unleash the beast I’ve been feeding within me? Absolutely. I would not hesitate, not for a second if it was necessary.

So yeah, I do teach that brutal stuff… brutally effective!

The Confusion Between Conflict Resolution & De-escalation, Part I – Gershon Ben Keren

There is a common misconception that conflict resolution is the same as de-escalation; if you resolve the conflict, you deescalate the situation. The phrase, “putting the cart before the horse”, comes to mind -i.e. how can you resolve a conflict if somebody is still in an emotional and adrenalized state? The answer is, you can’t. Yet many people try to do so. The belief that being calm, and reasonable, will somehow resolve a conflict with an aggressive and emotional person, is misplaced and dangerous. When reason leaves the building, negotiation and explanation have no place – these methods can only exist and be effective where an individual’s faculties to process and evaluate information are still in place; if they’re not, what you have to say, will either fall on deaf ears or escalate the situation. All talk will be interpreted as fighting talk, by an emotional person, even if it’s intended otherwise. If I truly want to deescalate a situation I need to put ego, feelings and emotions aside, something most untrained people are unwilling/”unable” to do. Most people would rather be right than effective – and this attitude does not lend itself to de-escalation. De-escalation often looks/appears to involve backing down, and few people’s egos can take this hit. The process doesn’t necessarily involve backing down but it does involve giving up on the idea that you need to be right, and put your own point of view across.
There are basically two types of violence: premeditated and spontaneous.

Premeditated acts of violence, involve individuals who have decided upon and planned to become violent; spontaneous acts of violence involve persons who have become violent due to your actions and behaviors, whether real or perceived. A mugger who purchases/acquires a knife, selects a location, and starts actively looking for victims, represents a predatory individual who is engaged in a premeditated act of violence – i.e. they have planned to become violent. If you spill a drink over somebody and they become violent due to this, then you are dealing with a spontaneous act of violence – your action/behavior caused them to become violent (the spilt drink) – they didn’t come to the bar looking to engage in an aggressive confrontation. Sometimes premediated acts of violence present themselves as being spontaneous. In a truly spontaneous act of violence, an aggressor has no predefined goals – they don’t know what they want out of it; someone you’ve spilt a drink over doesn’t know what will make the situation right, or what outcome will actually satisfy them, they simply don’t see an alternative to violence in that moment. When an aggressor comes to a situation knowing what they want out of it and not being prepared to accept any alternative, it is not a spontaneous act of violence. Sometimes premeditated act of violence can be interpreted as being impromptu and spontaneous, even if they’re not.

Having worked bar and door security, I’ve had to refuse entry to individuals for a variety of reasons e.g. they didn’t meet the dress requirements of the establishment (wearing trainers/sneakers and/or a football or soccer shirt, etc.), they were too inebriated, or I simply had a bad feeling about them. Most times, people would accept the refusal, sometimes they wouldn’t. It may seem that it was the refusal that caused them to become aggressive i.e. it’s a spontaneous act of violence, however if their goal was to come into the bar or club regardless of any objections, that this was their only goal/outcome, it was really a premeditated act of aggression – and understanding the difference is important. Spontaneous acts of violence and confrontations, which lack a defined goal, can usually be de-escalated and resolved; premeditated ones can’t. In a premeditated act of violence, such as a mugging, the mugger can only envisage one outcome: leaving with your wallet (the variable is whether they will have to stab or shoot you in order to achieve this). If you spill a drink over somebody they don’t have any particular outcome in mind, and are possibly open to alternatives to violence – if they can be put in the right state of mind to consider them (this is the goal of de-escalation) – such as having another drink bought for them, their dry-cleaning paid for, etc.

The problem is that many people try to resolve conflicts and disputes without first de-escalating them. An emotional and aggressive person is not able to consider alternatives to violence, especially when they feel justified to act violently (the injustice of having a drink spilt over them, for example). The only time you will be able to successfully resolve a conflict, is when the person is in an emotional state where they can compare and evaluate different alternatives. When they’re not in this state, they will interpret everything you say and do as you posturing to them. I have witnessed this on countless occasions when somebody is trying to talk rationally to an aggressive individual and nothing they are saying is being interpreted as a potential solution to the situation; they are just not in the emotional mindset to be able to consider any outcome to the situation other than violence. The goal of de-escalation is to reduce the emotion in the situation so that the aggressor can consider different non-physical ways that the situation can be resolved. Making the most logical and rational suggestions to an angry, emotional person is not going to get you anywhere, and is in fact more likely to escalate the situation for you.

The first question you have to ask yourself when facing an aggressive and angry individual is whether this is a spontaneous act of violence or a premeditated one. If it’s a premeditated one – the person has come to the situation with a single outcome in mind, and is prepared to use violence to achieve this – you have two options: to use physical force or acquiesce to your aggressor’s demands (if this involves handing over your wallet you may be prepared to do this, if it involves being sexually assaulted you probably won’t). It may be that depending on your job/responsibilities you can’t acquiesce e.g. if what somebody was wearing didn’t adhere to a club/bar’s dress code, I couldn’t let them in, etc. If it’s a spontaneous act of violence, where an aggressor didn’t come to the situation with a particular goal in mind, then de-escalation is more often than not an option available to you.

In the second part to this article, I will describe and explain a process for de-escalating spontaneous acts of violence that I have used in many situations, to avoid being involved in a physical confrontation.

End Part I.