Monthly Article Index – Page 14

Political Upheaval, Social Issues and Self Defense – Terry Trahan

If you live in the US, or if you have been watching the news, I’m sure you’ve seen all the footage of the rallies, riots, protests, and various vandalizing and unpleasantness that we are experiencing in the country right now.

I have seen much good advice written, and contributed some, about avoidance, ways to survive a rally turned riot, and all of those are good, I back them, but I’d like to add some different thoughts here.

Firstly, the best advice is to avoid them all together. For me, there is no good that can come from a gathering that has at its core, confrontation with passions running high. But, sometimes you must pass through the area, or the riot comes to you. I used to live smack dab in the middle of downtown Denver, two blocks from the park used for rallies, and 5 blocks from the State Capitol, we would, at times, get caught in the middle, so it is not always possible to avoid.

The first thing I want to cover is your own mindset and internal awareness. If you are mad, passionate about an issue, or anything else that alters your normal mindset, you need to be aware of how that will affect you if things go down the crapper. You can’t make good decisions with a bad outlook.

It’s also easier for you to be manipulated into looking like the bad guy when you are not in control.

One of the best mindset sayings I have heard, and made a mantra of comes from my friend, author S.A. Bailey, and he uses it as an occasional tag line or autograph. It is as follows, and then I will break it down.

Zen Up
Carry a gun
Be Love

Until it’s time to shoot a motherfucker in the face

A little crude, perhaps, but easily understood, and addresses dealing with people caught up in our current social environment.

Zen Up; Be calm, don’t get distracted, pay attention without becoming a part of the proceedings. Assess, judge and be present.
Carry a gun; While this is great as a tool, it may not be feasible or acceptable to some, but the mindset would dictate that being armed in a possibly dangerous situation is a good idea. Be it knife, pepper spray, cane, baton, or gun. Be prepared, be safe, be dangerous if needed.
Be love; Be calm, be nice, don’t get in arguments, don’t antagonize anyone. Even if you hate the subject or the people, no good comes from expressing your opinion when you are outnumbered by people who are willing to use violence.
Until it’s time to shoot a motherfucker in the face; When it is time for action, it is time, you need to act now. No second guessing. Have your escape route planned beforehand, know that action is needed, and do it. Denial of pain and avoidance of needed violence can get you injured or killed. Be ruthless about your safety, and those with you.

When you are in the middle of a disturbance or riot, it is not the time to assert, or expect, your right to express your opinion to be honored. Swallow your pride, and just concentrate on the mission of getting home. Needless arguing gets all sorts of people in trouble, and the more your ego is invested, the more trouble you can get in.

In general, the only thing that is a threat is physical actions. Words do not injure you, rocks, sticks and cars do. But, in a rally or riot situation, you need to pay attention to the words around you, as they can trigger action against you. That doesn’t mean you can start blasting away because you felt threatened, it means you need to move your ass now.

Hive mentality/herd mentality is a real thing in a mob, and the guy you work with and joke with at lunch can turn on you and beat you to a pulp in a mob.

Hopefully you can see that it is important to avoid these gatherings, no matter how passionate you are about an issue. But if you won’t or can’t please keep these words in mind and stay safe.

Oh yeah, please,as always, I would highly recommend carrying some basic

First aid/trauma gear, and a charged up phone.

The Angela Meyer Interview Part III – Erik Kondo

Erik: I am interested in your opinion on female runners and personal safety. What are some of your thoughts on training women to deal with their fears and concerns?

Angela: My first response would be, don’t run, train in Martial Arts and Self Defense instead. BUT I spent many years as an outdoor runner and even ran a marathon at one point (which was not the best decision for my body).

This is a serious issue and there have been several incidents where I live, in Washington DC, where female runners have been attacked, especially early in the am.

I think first and foremost, trusting intuition and that “gut” feeling of safety/unsafety is key when dealing with outdoor running as a woman. For instance, I remember many years ago when I lived in AL. I was running during the day on a trail in the middle of nowhere. There was a part of the trail that paralleled with a small highway. As I ran by the highway, a truck with 3 men hastily pulled off onto the shoulder. There were no other cars or people around. They got out of the car and started walking towards the trail. For a split second I thought, “Ang, they probably just have to go to the bathroom, don’t freak out,” But in the next split second, I started sprinting for my life. I did not care what I looked like, I followed the fear in my gut. As I started to sprint, they realized it was probably not worth it to chase me, and yelled things like, “We just wanted to talk to you.”

I reiterate, when we are talking about Self Defense, we are referring to winning moments in time. I won that moment in time, but I just as easily could have not.

I have many women ask about carrying pepper spray while running. My response to that is, “If carrying something makes you feel safer, do it, but unless you’re trained in using pepper spray, keys or a tazer, the reality of being able to access and use properly in a moment of “fight or flight” is slim. Using weapons, takes just as much training as defending weapons and this is where I always default back to the real work of Self Defense, especially when we are specifying women. Learning to fight is key, instead of being “weapon-centric” one must learn to fight on a deeper level and always look for exit strategies, weapons in a real-life environment, and the ability to use our bodies as natural weapons. We must begin at the preemptive, psychological, sociological patterns that are deeply ingrained in us and it’s all connected.

Erik: In think that you brought up an interesting issue here.

On a statistical basis, I think that the majority of women are on some level effected by Fear of Violence while running and a smaller proportion are effected by verbal harassment and threatening behavior. And a very small proportion are effected by actual physical assaults. But the consequences of these assaults are severe.

Therefore, regarding Fear of Violence, carrying a weapon may have a soothing effect. In that case, the weapon provides a benefit. It also may help them in terms of verbal harassment since the person many feel less vulnerable and be more assertive, but, a major problem occurs in the event that they actually have to deploy the weapon.

In that case, not knowing how and when (legally and tactically) to use the weapon may have the effect of worsening the situation. In addition, they may have false confidence regarding their weapon’s capabilities which may encourage them to take more risk than they would without having a weapon. And of course, there is always the issue of not having the psychological will to use the weapon. Not to mention, the practical issue of carrying it.

Then again, there are always those situations, where having a weapon available may become the determining factor for safety.

Therefore, I think it can be reasonably said that carrying a weapon has both positives and negatives associated with it. The factors will vary from individual to individual, from environment to environment, and from incident to incident.

Reviewing what you said “We must begin at the preemptive, psychological, sociological patterns that are deeply ingrained in us and it’s all connected.”

These are deep issues that cannot be resolved in a few hours of instruction. Neither can the ability to learn and execute physical technique be learned in a few hours.

Therefore, for a one-time class with women who are unlikely to take additional classes, what do you feel is the most important aspect to focus on? In other words, do you think it is more important to focus on problems that are more likely to occur, but have less physical consequences, such as verbal harassment and sexual coercion. Or problems that are less likely to occur, but have greater physical consequences such as violent stranger assaults?

Angela: A big YES to all you said. I am learning so much from your questions and deeply grateful for the process.

When I teach Women’s Self Defense workshops (or any “once off” training) I make sure they understand:

They are only dipping the tiny tip of their baby toenail into the vast waters of “Self Defense”.

There is nothing I am about to say/teach in this class/workshop that will guarantee a magical shield of safety. I also tell them if they hear teachers who say, “these 3 techniques will make you safe.” Run. Fast. In the other direction.

It comes back to the importance of boundary setting. I think this is the first vitally important shield to owning your own body and space. Women being verbally harassed, sexual coerced, or violently assaulted are symptoms of our culture. They happen. Sometimes really often. It’s disgusting. It’s not right. And in no way is it a women’s “fault”. That said, we as women, can start to make personal choices to how we want to show up in the world. Do we say we are sorry, just because we are apologizing our existence away, or are we really sorry for something? Do we giggle, because we like to laugh and have fun? Or does aggression and confrontation make us uncomfortable? Are we not able to yell because we really don’t have the capability, or are we so self-conscious about how we come across? Do we always take care of others because we really want to, or are we just programmed that way?

I think this is the most important aspect to focus on. Through an intense, uncomfortable, physical experience, how do I as a teacher, shed light on everyday habits and engrained belief systems, that keep them from being a fucking powerhouse? Awareness is key. If I can just plant a few seeds that will take root quickly or grow over a long period of time, I have done my job of making a woman safer. I will never know when or if the seeds will take root, but I’ll try like hell to sew them.

I do think it is VERY important to acknowledge that every woman is different and there not a cookie cutter answer.

I had an experience the other night. I was sleeping alone and thought someone broke in the window of my apartment. I struggle from pretty severe anxiety. It shuts me down, especially in a moment of primal fear. I went through all my self Defense 101 checkpoints. What could I use as a weapon? Where are my exits? What will I do to get out quickly and where will I run? The process was legit and proactive…but the real problem, was, can I actually do this? My body feels shut down in fear. I “know” all of these things intellectually but can I do them? It’s not an easy answer and I think we are doing a disservice to all women, when we give pat answers.

So to reiterate, I think the most important thing to start teaching women from day one: Bringing awareness to how they move through their everyday world. Does this way serve them and make them safer and stronger?

[decisiontree id=”4868

The Second and Third Rules – Teja Van Wicklen

Here are episodes 5 and 6 of 14 from Teja Van Wicklen as she takes us through her Mommy and Me Self Defense course.

We will be putting 2 downloads a week here for the next 6 weeks, so subscribers can collect the set for FREE, it is available on amazon for $13.98.

The Second Rule

The Third Rule

Youtube Video of the Week – Simon Sinek speaking about Millennials

Simon Sinek speaking about Millennials in the workplace of today, the following video is an excerpt from an episode of Inside Quest with Tom Bilyeu.

Full credit to Inside Quest.

The Angela Meyer Interview Part II – Erik Kondo

Erik: Rory Miller talks about creating a physically safe place to do physically dangerous things and an emotionally safe place to do emotional dangerous things. It sounds like that is exactly what you are doing.

Angela: Yes. I also make sure I am fully responsible for physical safety as well. This is why I am very strict on no one talking when I’m talking, so that everyone can hear the instruction and there is no confusion. I let people know they may get bloody knuckles, from punching a pad bare handed, and if they have a job where that’s not cool, they can use palm heel strikes. I let them know they will be physically uncomfortable, and that’s part of the work, to get their bodies stress inoculated.
But I take the job of keeping them physically safe very seriously.

Erik: It has been my experience (and others) in dealing with the typical demographic of women that come to a self-defense class, the majority are really not interested in engaging in serious physical contact. Using a rough guideline of the 80/20 rule. I find that only twenty percent are willing to push themselves physically, the other eighty percent would rather not.

My solution to this issue has been to focus on primarily boundary setting and use role playing of common scenarios that women encounter in their everyday lives as teaching tools. Invariably, the women have voiced boundary intrusions and violations by men as their primary concern and problem.

Angela: I agree this is one of the most voiced concerns of women who are seeking “Selfdefense”. It’s that in between space, where someone has not physically crossed a line in the sand, but there has been some sort of verbal intrusion or feeling of impending violation. In Fit to Fight, the Self Defense system I train under, they refer to this space as the “fence.” The space in-between, where there is not a clear threat, but you prepare mentally and set yourself up physically to be ready.

I also agree many women are really not interested in serious physical contact, but I think a huge bulk of that trend is female patterns of socialization, which I see as something that needs to be directly addressed and changed. I tell women right away, this is not cardio kickboxing, calorie burning time or, group exercise.

Honestly, I don’t care if women don’t want to push themselves physically (although I think you are correct in the 80/20 rule, but I think the physical push is necessary to access the part of themselves that feels too powerful, violent, aggressive, too uncomfortable. I think it’s necessary for them to feel what they fear, in a safe and supportive environment, otherwise they will never have an opportunity to rise above it. Of course, this is all done by building trust and understating the real distress of trauma. I make sure from the beginning the women know I am a safe leader and yet in the next breath, tell them I’m okay with them not liking me.

Erik: Generally speaking, I have found that younger woman in particular, do not have a real understanding of the concept of deterrence. They confuse deterrence with aggression. They feel that by engaging in tactics such as strong body language, eye contact, assertive phrases, and the like, that they will encourage aggression rather than discourage it.

Much of their behaviors seem to stem from socialization that relies upon using passive body language and indirect communication to deal with conflict. Some examples are excessive smiling, giggling, downcast eyes, ignoring, hunched shoulders, pretending to be looking at her phone, entwined legs, etc. These behaviors seem to be ingrained responses to social conflict particularly in dealing with aggressive men.

It is my belief that these behaviors are habits that arise partly from the fear of engaging in Over-enforcement. Since they fear a backlash from assertiveness and strength, the tend to overshoot in the opposite direction and engage in Under-enforcement. The element that they don’t seem to understand is how Under-enforcement breeds contempt, a lack of respect, and can lead to violations, particularly from predatory individuals.

Enforcement is at the core of boundary setting. It is the willingness to enforce boundaries that creates respect for the boundary. Most of the time this enforcement is not physical, but sometimes it is.

I would like to know if you agree with my general assessment, and if so, where does your training fit in?

Angela: Very well said, and I couldn’t agree more. If there was ONE take away I would want women to get from training with me in Self Defense, it is your statement, “It is the willingness to enforce boundaries that creates respect for the boundary…under-enforcement breeds contempt, a lack of respect, and can lead to violations, particularly from predatory individuals.”

I start an intro Self-defense workshop or series with that in mind, therefore the work we do, will yes, be very physical and tactical…and yet I am looking to ignite the psychological grit and emotional resilience to say, “not today mother fucker”, not just to an attack, but boundary setting in all areas of a woman’s life, especially relationships…and maybe, just maybe, begin to de-socialize, normal female responses when confrontation/ perceived aggression arises: giggling, permagrin, lack of seriousness, apologizing, over nurturing, excuses, and sulky body language.

The themes I see the most are:

1.Apologizing: I find it fascinating how so many women are socialized to apologize their existence away. I encourage students from the beginning to count the number of times they say “sorry” during training. I am a firm believer that awareness is the first step to broader social change and movement.

2. Giggling: I bring awareness to this before we start training, that it will most likely happen and when it does, ask yourself why? Not as a way to judge yourself or others, but again, as an awareness practice. What are common habits when we are uncomfortable and why we do them? I of course do not think there is anything innately wrong with giggling, but if it is a response to uncomfortably, do others take us seriously?

3. Unnecessary Self -Consciousness. It can be very difficult for many women to yell. I have personal experience that I’ve had to overcome, the fear to be “seen”. But through a lot of internal and physical work, I have found voice, drawn boundaries, and become a woman, those on the outside see as “tough” and a “beast.” Many women find it extremely uncomfortable to yell from their guts. A little peep comes out or no sound at all. I think they see a part of themselves they don’t want to admit is there, violence, aggression, power, rage. I love the Marianne Williamson quote and read it often, “Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I don’t encourage women to go out and pick fights, but I do think it is necessary for boundary setting. I encourage women through physical uncomfortably to “unleash the beast” in a safe, supportive environment, so they can feel the underlying energy of it and know it’s “okay.”

I am so passionate about this work because I can see myself in all of it. My inspiration to competitively fight these days (besides loving it), is because I’m still working through deep ingrained parts of myself that are terrified to be “seen.” Parts of myself that seize up with anxiety if I think everyone will be looking at me, completely vulnerable, exposed, with no guaranteed control of the outcome.

End of Part II

Cyber Safety Part III – Ashtad Rustomji

More information on threats to our computers, these are things we are hearing a lot more of these days as the criminals move ahead of the game.

Hacking

Hacking is a term used to describe actions taken by someone to gain unauthorized access to a computer. The availability of information online on the tools, techniques, and malware makes it easier for even non-technical people to undertake malicious activities.

They find weaknesses (or pre-existing bugs) in our security settings and exploit them in order to access our information.
Install a Trojan horse, providing a back door for hackers to enter and search for our information.

Malware

Malicious software that infects our computer, such as computer viruses, worms, Trojan horses, spyware, and adware.

Intimidate with ‘scareware‘, which is usually a pop-up message that tells us our computer has a security problem or other false information.
Reformat the hard drive of our computer causing us to lose all our information.
Alter or delete files on hard drive.
Steal private information.
Send emails on our behalf.
Take control of our computer and the softwares running on it.

Pharming

A means to point us to a malicious and illegitimate website by redirecting the legitimate URL. Even if the URL is entered correctly, it can still be redirected to a fake website. Copies the original site down to it’s smallest details to get us to enter our personal details.

Phishing

Fake emails, text messages and websites created to look like they’re from authentic companies. They’re sent by criminals to steal personal and financial information from us. This is also known as “spoofing”.

Trick us into giving them information by asking us to update, validate or confirm our account. It is often presented in a manner than seems official and intimidating, to encourage us to take action.
Provides cyber criminals with our usernames and passwords so that they can access our online bank account, shopping accounts, etc. and steal our credit card information.

Ransomware

Ransomware is a type of malware that restricts access to our computer or our files and displays a message that demands payment in order for the restriction to be removed. The two most common means of infection are via phishing emails that contain malicious attachments and website pop-up advertisements.

Two types of ransomware;

Lockscreen: displays an image that prevents us from accessing our computer.
Encryption ransomware: encrypts files on our system’s hard drive and sometimes on shared network drives, USB drives, external hard drives, and even some cloud storage drives, preventing us from opening them

Sometimes the notification states that authorities have detected illegal activity on our computer, and that the payment is a fine to avoid prosecution.

Paying doesn’t help.

Regularly back-up data with a removable external storage drive.

Spam

Mass distribution of unsolicited messages, advertising or pornography to addresses which can be easily found on the Internet through things like social networking sites, company websites and personal blogs.

Phish for your information by tricking you into following links or entering details with too-good-to-be-true offers and promotions.

Provide a vehicle for malware, scams, fraud and threats to your privacy.

The First Rule – Teja Van Wicklen

Here are episodes 3 and 4 of 14 from Teja Van Wicklen as she takes us through her Mommy and Me Self Defense course.

We will be putting 2 downloads a week here for the next 6 weeks, so subscribers can collect the set for FREE, it is available on amazon for $13.98.

Before The First Rule

The First Rule

Youtube Video of the Month – Martial Arts Ukemi, Break Falling on Concrete

Learning how to safely fall (one interpretation of the Japanese word “ukemi”) — not just on the dojo mat, but on the street, literally on pavement if necessary — is a valuable life skill, not just a martial arts, parkour or free running skill; and it’s more than doing “tricking” or stunts.

This video provides a whimsical yet serious overview of what it takes to undertake this aspect of practical, reality-based training. If you’re new to the concept of controlled falling, especially if you’re considering the value of learning such skills, do NOT watch this video and assume you can safely mimic the techniques: whether on a mat or on concrete, you may and likely will hurt yourself. Find a quality source of training! Several martial arts, such as jujutsu, aikido, judo, hapkido and ninjutsu, heavily emphasize this and other aspects of ukemi. Others, such as certain traditional schools of karate, typically introduce ukemi to seasoned students.

It doesn’t take long for a dedicated student to adequately learn the basic rolls and falls. Some become comfortable in a few days, some as long as a few months. Developing those skills to the point they’re serviceable outside the dojo may take years — and the reality is most students will never feel at ease going airborne and landing on concrete.

The good news is that there are many cases in which injuries were minimized or avoided when martial artists — even novices — utilized ukemi on a street, sidewalk or other unforgiving surface. Keep in mind, however, that most martial arts systems and schools do not require students to demonstrate ukemi proficiency outside of the dojo.

The choice to develop such skills to that level, and bearing the risks of injury in doing so, are largely the burden of each student.

Is That Your Stiletto, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? – Mirav Tarkka

There she goes, walking into the bar with her tiny skirt and 12 cm heels.

How can she even walk in them? Her hair swinging free down her back, her perfectly made up lips, colour matching her heels… all eyes turn to look at her as her perfume distracts even the sober men in the place, even the taken ones, even the disinterested ones…. everyone but him.

He looks at her with possession. He wants to own her, own her body, take away all her power to feed his. He walks up to her and firmly grabs her wrist. Looking at him surprised, almost entertained, she releases her wrist, twists his arm behind his back, brings him down to his knees then flat on his stomach…. when he begs her to let go of his arm, because his shoulder is about to pop out, she laughs, whispers something extremely clever to him, stands up and places her nail hard stiletto on his back while he cries in pain. She then walks away, flicking her hair behind her shoulder and redoing her lipstick without even looking at a mirror.

That is how you imagine it, don’t you?

Well, the reality is totally different. In reality, you would be the one on the floor, probably trip over yourself, slipping on a wet surface, breaking your heel and – if you are lucky enough to be able to run away with your heels – causing damage to your feet and spine. You will look anything but sexy, believe me. “But what are the chances this can happen to me?” you might be thinking to yourself.

Actually, pretty high.

If you wear heels on your way to work, if you wear heels walking the streets alone, if you are like me and wearing heels for you is just painful, you can’t wait to kick them off and they just make you clumsy and slow, you are at higher risk.

Or maybe you are like these rare few girls I know who can actually run a marathon with their heels on, perhaps even run backwards! But still, if you can run away fast from your aggressor with heels, imagine how fast you can run with flat shoes?

Are you more likely to slip on a wet or oily surface, or trip over your face when faced with an MMA trained aggressor (always assume your aggressor is very well trained!) when you are wearing sports shoes that are made to prevent slipping (look at their surface!) or when you are wearing a heel with a surface of 1sq/cm “nail”?

I mean, look around you when you are in public. I, personally, am amused to see how women walk like ducks, looking completely uncomfortable, with plasters on their blisters, just to be seen in heels.

Personally, when I see a woman comfortable in her skin, I think that is extremely sexy, and not someone who needs to lean on someone else (or on the wall) to even stand stable!

Now, if you are an aggressor, who would you choose? Someone who is stable, or someone who if you “huff and puff and blow the house down” they fall on their face without any effort? 😀

“But”, you might tell me, “I can use the heel as a weapon”.

Yes, you can.

So your homework will be to practise taking your heel off while jumping/staying stable on the other stilettoed foot, placing it correctly in your hand and hitting the aggressor in places that “matter” (to be short, face or joints) without the heel breaking into your hand, breaking at all or you slipping backwards.

You´d better have steel heels too, the leather ones don’t do the job!

Yes, if you are in a ground position kicking the aggressor in the face or in his kidneys with your heels would do a great job. But honestly, any shoe would do a great job, with a good kick! And dont forget, you wont just stay there to have a conversation with the guy. You have to get up, and run away, get to a safe place (even if he seems dead J ). Again, how far can you get with your heels? Or if you take them off, can you run barefoot? Geting your feet cut by stones, glass, maybe it has been raining, maybe you are in a rocky place…

There is another half-way solution, though. Here come the good old 90’s platforms to save us, shortie ladies! Add 12 cm to your height, while still having the base surface of a “normal” shoe. Still, even there, the safe grip on your ankle is not the best. I have twisted my ankle numerous times wearing platforms when I was a 15 year old party girl.

WAKE UP LADIES. It is where the fairy tale ends, that the real story begins.

Look, I am a woman too. And I like to look sexy and sleek too, but my safety comes first. So, when I do rarely wear heels, I put them on at the last moment, in the car (not in the parking place!), in the office, even in the bathrooms. I don’t risk it!

As my promo pictures have me wearing high heels and boxing gloves, I got numerous messages from couples wanting to try some “kinky” …. let’s call it intimacy, involving self-defense moves. I get it, totally, I do. And it can be fantastic… in the bedroom! Photos, movies, Charlie’s Angels….. all that isn’t reality. Your safety is.

You need to think about these things in advance. You need to be able to protect yourself AT ALL TIMES, night or day, alone, at your work place, in the street, in the club, in your car… always.

Dress to kill.

And be smart; that’s sexy.

Lots of love,

Mirav