Female Smarts – Page 3 – Conflict Manager

What Counts As Primary Prevention? – Martha McCaughey and Jill Cremele

The 2014 White House Task Force on Sexual Assault on College Campuses has mandated that in order to continue to receive federal funding, colleges and universities must step up their game, including providing rape prevention education. The 2014 “Not Alone” report outlines the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) public health model of sexual assault prevention, and reiterates the need for evidenced-based programming to combat rape and sexual assault.

The CDC’s public health model defines the terms and levels of prevention, and articulates what “counts” as primary prevention – namely, bystander intervention training and psychoeducation to shift rape-supportive attitudes. As we describe in detail elsewhere (see McCaughey & Cermele, 2015), despite the overwhelming evidence that self-defense (training and enacting it) works both to stop rape and to shift rape-supportive attitudes, the CDC does not discuss or recommend self-defense training in its public health model.

On the surface, the omission of self-defense training from the category of primary prevention is perplexing, considering the CDC’s own definition. Primary prevention is defined as thwarting violence before it happens, while secondary prevention includes strategies and responses that immediately follow victimization, such as counseling or medical care, to address the short-term effects. The CDC has consistently and openly argued that while teaching (often male) bystanders to intervene in and thwart sexual assault is an established primary prevention tactic, teaching women to intervene in and thwart sexual assault targeted against themselves is not.

This stance is flawed for two main reasons. First, both self-defense training and bystander intervention training target sexual violence at the same point in time – when a sexual assault is imminent or in progress. So while both meet the criteria for primary prevention, they differ on one important dimension: who is encouraged to intervene. Bystander training requires the presence of a (presumably) benevolent and engaged third party to thwart rape, contributing to the erroneous belief that the woman targeted for sexual violence cannot, or should not, intervene on her own behalf.

Self-defense training, on the other hand, disrupts the script of sexual violence by offering women a range of verbal and physical strategies to thwart rape, which, although it can include soliciting bystander intervention, does not require the presence of a bystander in order to prevent assault. Given that both methods of rape prevention education target sexual violence at the same point in time, with the same goal and even potentially similar methods, it stands to reason that they must be in the same category – they are either both primary prevention, or neither are.

Second, only one of these meets the CDC’s second criteria, that rape prevention education be demonstrably effective – and that is self-defense training. The data are clear—and reviewed in our article (McCaughey & Cermele, 2015)—that self-defense is effective in thwarting sexual assault. In addition, numerous empirical studies have documented that self-defense training is what the CDC calls a protective factor, and that women who have taken self-defense training are at less risk for sexual assault than those who have not, reducing risk of sexual assault by as much as 40%.

Furthermore, self-defense training creates positive behavior and attitude change, including feelings of empowerment in women. Finally, women’s participation in self-defense training and the enactment of effective resistance strategies directly challenge the attitudes that permeate rape culture: that the safety and integrity of women’s bodies exists at the whim of men’s bodies. Women who learn to defend themselves learn to take themselves and their safety seriously in realistic ways, rather than simply following an unsubstantiated list of “don’ts” – don’t wear this, don’t go there, don’t be alone. Instead, they assess situations better than they did before their training, are more likely to identify situations that could be dangerous, and have the skills to respond if necessary.

We also reviewed the data on bystander intervention training (see McCaughey & Cermele, 2015), which are much less promising. There is some research demonstrating that participants in bystander intervention rape prevention education reported positive changes in attitudes and increased intent to intervene or increased self-reports of intervention. However, there is as yet no empirical data to suggest that bystander intervention programs are effective in actually thwarting rape and sexual assault. And yet, the CDC maintains its stance that bystander intervention training meets the criteria for primary prevention, and self-defense training does not.

This cannot continue. By the CDC’s own criteria, training women in self-defense is a demonstrably effective primary-prevention strategy in preventing rape and sexual assault, and is entirely consistent with the goals of a public health model in combatting the crisis of sexual assault on college campuses. At a time when so many organizations and task forces are looking to the CDC’s public health model for combating sexual assault, the CDC must begin to pay attention to the data and acknowledge women’s capacity for and right to resist sexual assault. Self-defense training belongs at the forefront of their recommendations for sexual assault prevention on college campuses.

Citation: McCaughey, M., & Cermele, J. (2015). Changing the hidden curriculum of campus rape prevention and education: Women’s self-defense as a key protective factor for a public health model of prevention. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, online pre-print, 1-16. DOI: 10.1177/1524838015611674 tva.sagepub.com

Jill Cermele is a professor of psychology and an affiliated faculty member of the Women’s and Gender Studies Program at Drew University. Her scholarship, teaching, and activism are focused on gender and resistance, outcomes and perceptions of self-defense training, and issues of gender in mental health. With Martha McCaughey, she was a guest editor for the March 2014 special issue of Violence Against Women on Self-Defense Against Sexual Assault. McCaughey and she also write the blog See Jane Fight Back, where they provide commentary and analysis on popular press coverage of self-defense and women’s resistance.

Martha McCaughey is a professor of sociology and an affiliated faculty member of the Gender, Women’s, and Sexuality Studies Program at Appalachian State University. She is the author of Real Knockouts: The Physical Feminism of Women’s Self-Defense and The Caveman Mystique: Pop-Darwinism and the Debates Over Sex, Violence, and Science. With Jill Cermele, she guest edited the special issue of Violence Against Women on self-defense against sexual assault and blogs at See Jane Fight Back. www.seejanefightback.com

The article can also be found at http://seejanefightback.com/.

“The Illusion of Self-Defense” A Personal Perspective from a Martial Artist – A. Kunoichi

Several mornings ago while groggily clutching my warm, comforting cup of coffee, I came across an article that jolted me awake.

It was an article concerning Kayla Harrison, an Olympian martial artist who was sexually assaulted and abused by her instructor as a teenager. In light of this, the author puts forth a challenge as to whether modern women’s self-defense courses offered by martial arts schools give sufficient, comprehensive preparation to the women enrolled in their courses.

And if not, then what is lacking in the schools’ curriculum?

Self-defense programs in general, have one singular, primary focus: to teach women, who are often viewed as a vulnerable population, to defend themselves in any number of violent scenarios. The scenarios that are rehearsed center around the presumption that a woman could be attacked suddenly by a nameless predator.

Basically, a stranger…remember “Stranger Danger” ?

Theoretical purse snatchers, being held at gunpoint or the tip of a blade, some menacing figure demanding your money and valuables.

Even worse – to be snatched into the back of a dark, unmarked van and raped, or left for dead.

Yes, this stuff happens. If you watch CNN regularly, you can’t help but notice the reports of young women who go out for a jog, only to be found hours later dead in a ditch, with visible signs of assault.

Compassionate self-defense instructors want to give their student the necessary tools to ensure that they don’t become THAT headline. It’s a noble goal, and an empowering one. I can say with some confidence that my martial arts background has given me some survival tools for the times that I must run alone, or walk through a dark parking garage to my car.

But I’m not overly cocky to think that my training is foolproof, nor will it save my ass in every possibility. Because nine times out of ten, it’s not a stranger that’s going to hurt me.

It’s going to be someone I know.
Perhaps someone I trust.
Someone I love.

I walked into a local dojo one summer when I was 22 years old, to inquire about self-defense classes. I wasn’t looking to become a badass overnight, although that would have been a pretty cool bonus.

The truth was, I walked into that dojo, having already been physically and mentally hurt.

It wasn’t by a stranger. It was my mother.

There was a story recently on the news about a 4 year old child that was found severely traumatized by police officers. When they asked the child what her name was, she simply replied, “Idiot.” She had been called idiot so many times, she had forgotten her real name.

Talk about a page out of my life.

I grew up in a house where a hard. ringing slap was not usual. Nor were drunken tirades, the phone being ripped off the wall, blinds getting shredded in her bare hands. Recounting all the names, and all the ways that left a dent in childhood, would take too long to say. Social services was called once by someone anonymous. It didn’t help. It only left me an accessible target for her rage. How dare anyone interfere with her right to parent me?

Self-defense and martial arts did not protect me from childhood abuse.
I walked into that dojo a few years too late.

But I did step onto a path that was necessary for my soul and well-being.
Because I was still hurting. And damn angry.

I couldn’t understand why the parent who raised me, was incapable of love. And why I constantly lived with the sense that my best was never enough.

My teacher saw the mess that was both abused child, and angry, confused adult. He used martial arts to tame my fury and teach me patience, to give me some small sense of self-worth.

He gave me encouragement where previously there was none.

He was 3 times my size, a gentle bear.
Because of him, I began to consider that I had some value in this world.
Or that I could be capable of something great.
And family, well..that meaning grew beyond blood and bone.

I cannot give enough credit to my first teacher, or the people and lessons learned in my time on this still-evolving path. If someone wanted to try martial arts, I would not deter anyone from doing so. It was the best decision I ever made for myself.

I lived alone during those early years, so I was anxious at the possibility of a home invasion. We did sometimes, work on “worst case scenarios”. I think I figured after the hell that passed for childhood, that the next person who tried to hurt me would be a stranger.

I miscalculated on that. Big time.
Because the next person who hurt me, was again, someone I knew and loved deeply.

Not long ago, I was in a relationship with someone within our martial arts community. The relationship moved very hard, very fast and without logical thought.

Looking back, it was a car crash waiting to happen.

He was handsome, charming, confident. He walked and moved with an assurance that I secretly envied. He could be so damn funny, passionate, and remarkably persuasive.

Perhaps too persuasive. He was blessed with a silver tongue, and would often privately boast, that he could get anyone to do anything he wanted.

That should have been a warning.

The relationship quickly took on the boundaries of dominance & submission, both psychologically and sexually. He was an intense force of nature, so naturally he emerged the dominant.

I was eager to prove myself worthy of someone’s love. That invisible scar from childhood abuse was still there, and I was starving for affection. Any affection.
Easily, I became submissive.

The relationship, through a number of twists, took a darker turn. I soon discovered that my passionate force of nature could be incredibly moody.
He showed one face in public to our friends, but something else when we were alone.
Intimacy took on a harder edge, until it was no longer true intimacy, but acts that bordered a gray line between pain and pleasure.

He ended our relationship to pursue someone else. But he decided that he wanted to keep our dominant/submissive sexual relationship, even as he pursued this new relationship.

He was maddenly, charmingly persuasive in why this was perfectly acceptable. He outlined passages from one of Antony Cummins’ historical research novels on the bujinkan, that detailed how the shadow warriors were encouraged to have sexual relationships – the theory being that it would further strengthen their bonds should they ever have to go to battle.

In other words, you’ll happily die for the one you’re fighting alongside, if you’re also screwing them.

I recognize now that he was taking historical martial arts lore and bending it in such a way as to keep my conscience satiated and my mouth shut.

Eventually, I began falling apart under the weight of the psychological games, and my conscience.

I wanted to be deemed worthy of someone’s love, but I was sickened by the fact that we were lying and hurting someone who didn’t deserve it. It went against the code of honor and integrity that we have within our community.

Be mindful of our thoughts, our words, our actions.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being used. There were many arguments and disagreements.
Be quiet, not be quiet.
End things, keep things going.

My conscience was a noose around my neck dragging me to the ocean depths, but I would still be quick to say whatever words he wanted to hear.

No, I won’t tell.

It exploded one night, in a way I never imagined, the last time I was alone with him.

A year would pass before I could even discuss what happened.
And even then, I could only detail in writing.
When I finally gathered the courage to share, I was told by a friend with sad, concerned eyes, that it was unnerving, violent, and that it reads as a sexual assault.

It’s still difficult for my mind to wrap around.
It should not exist for me, not with my background and training. But I can’t explain away the psychological ramifications.

Bouts of insomnia and terrible dreams, which I sometimes still have.
I once dreamt of him etched in stone, a beautifully carved statue that abruptly turned into a roaring monster, chasing me down into darkness.

I woke up screaming from that one.

I attempted to date, but couldn’t bear to be touched. I would visibly shake, cry and have an instinctual urge to just..run like hell. And my dates were nice guys, really.

I spent a long time in a perpetually anxious state of mind.

DISENGAGE THE ATTACK, PT 3 – Teja Van Wicklen

Building Your Vocabulary

Where you strike is as important, or even more important, than how. There are many instances of people being stabbed up to 40 times and surviving, while once is enough to kill in another instance. The major difference here is the target.

In learning to survive a brutal encounter you must commit the softest and most vulnerable areas of the human body to memory. The best target is not only the one that will do the most damage or cause the most pain, it is the one you can reach from the position you are attacked in. If your instructor is particularly enamored of the groin as a kicking target and you are attacked at knifepoint while in your car, you may find yourself at a loss. Worse, your brain may glitch and you may not be able to think beyond how to kick the groin from your current seated position. You need a vocabulary with which to form answers to complex questions-A vocabulary made up of targets and attacks.

Consider these three things: The part of your body or the weapon you are using against your attacker, the part of his body you are attacking, and the many different positions you may find yourself in during an attack.

There is a certain amount of creativity involved here. Punching is not the only option. There are many strikes to be made with the back or side of the hand, with elbows, feet, knees, even the forearms and head. I know martial artists who only use a few of these. Keep an open mind.

Debilitation not just Pain

In order to retaliate physically in a way that protects you, you need to attack the most vulnerable part of his body with the strongest part of yours or something hard or sharp. Strongest does not necessarily mean hardest, it means least breakable.

“Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind,
to withstand the world that’s what it takes. All that steel and stone
is no match for the air, my friend. What doesn’t bend, breaks.”

~ Ani DiFranco from her song, Buildings and Bridges

When you practice or even think about self defense, ask yourself this: Is the target I have chosen vulnerable enough as to be debilitating? If it isn’t, don’t stake your life on it.

To state the obvious, the best target is one that, when you make contact, will cause the other guy more pain than it causes you. In movies people punch to the face. Because we see it so often it has become an instinctive response and part of the culture. The face is the center of personality and therefore what we as emotional humans seek to destroy first. It is, however, often, not the best target. Small bones in the hands break easily, unless highly trained (and the sad truth is that most hands highly trained enough to withstand punching to hard targets reap the reward of painful arthritis later in life).

It may actually require a conscious decision from you to attack something other than the face. And there may be no time for conscious decision, which is why we are preparing now. If the face is your only option, take it, but be aware that anything aimed at the face is briskly tracked by the eyes. Yet another reason the face is often not the best primary target.

By a debilitating target I mean one that will force your assailant to discontinue his attack. Pain is very subjective and difficult to quantify. Someone on drugs or used to being disciplined by way of systematic beatings or torture can endure quite a bit more pain than you may even be able to imagine. You can be in agonizing pain and still manage to give birth to your child without passing out. A violent criminal may be able to take quite a hit and still continue to hurt you.

The amount of pain a criminal will be able to withstand generally corresponds with his level of determination. If he is looking for an easy target, a bit of fight from you may deter him. If he enjoys a fight, has invested time and energy searching for you or vetting you and is intent on his decision, a bit of fight will only galvanize him or entertain him. If he’s on drugs, he may not feel pain. He may not even respond to broken limbs. I know a martial artist who won a tournament with a broken collarbone. My friends have much crazier stories.

We are planning for something that can’t be planned. We are gathering information in the event we need it. Whether or not it comes to our aid is anyone’s guess. Everything you know about crime and about yourself along with every bit of knowledge you have gathered about this criminal will need to come into play in the moment. You will have some idea of his level of commitment to this crime based on his behavior. You may be able to tell if someone is on drugs. You must find a way to connect with your focus and your plan and commit to the job at hand which is to make sure he can’t keep hurting you or your child. If luck is not on your side and you are alone, you will at the very least need to create an opening so you can run away, presumably by hurting him enough to make him rethink his choice, taking his legs out from under him, knocking him out or running really fast. Barring the less gory options you will need blind or disable him in some way. Or kill him.

It seems it’s both easier and not as easy as you think the to end someone. What does that mean? In the many stories I’ve heard and books I’ve read, and conversation’s I’ve had on this subject, there is a dichotomy. Accidents happen that makes it seem easy to kill or die. But we can’t harness or control accidents. As it turns out quite a bit is involved in killing and at the top of the list is your determination to live and your ability to override your natural human aversion to end someone’s life forever. This is something good people do only in the name of survival. And because it doesn’t always come naturally, we need a proper vocabulary in order to understand our options.

To be Continued in:

THE SELF DEFENSE CONTINUUM: DISENGAGE THE ATTACK pt 5

Dimorphism Matters – Garry Smith and Jayne Wharf

Jayne Wharf and Garry Smith are editors of Conflict Manager magazine and directors of the Conflict Research Group International. We are both senior instructors in Ju Jitsu, Jayne is currently training in preparation for the 3rd dan grading and Garry his 4th Dan. We both teach realistic self defence but from very different positions, literally.

Jayne stands 5’2½” tall and Garry is 5’9”, she weighs 8st, he just under 15st. We regularly grapple, spar, brawl and ground-fight together and with others, it is what we like to do, but mostly we train and teach together. Difference in size due to dimorphism matters, we need to take it into account when we train. Sexual dimorphism is the condition where the two sexes of the same species exhibit different characteristics beyond the differences in their sexual organs. Size, muscle mass etc. Both of which will influence the outcome of a violent conflict.

Recently we have see certain ground-fighting techniques, pretty technical ones, being promoted as good self defence for women. They are not, they are unrealistic, easy to counter and will not work against a committed attacker who knows what they are doing. We know, we train this all the time. When we were doing a demo for our juniors last week, I thought we were just showing a few moves nice and steady, so it was a big surprise when Jayne came at me like a hell-cat. It took me a good minute but I eventually got on top of her and pinned her. We were both red faced and puffing and panting. We did it again a few days later for a different group of juniors, similar outcome but this time she got her guard in so tight on my ribs I involuntary farted, I quickly tried to blame Jayne but the kids knew it was me. Red faced again.

So in light of seeing BS techniques peddled as good SD, and what we do when we train, we decided to have the following conversation.

In our training session last Monday we had a short, but intense, ground-fight on the mat. The purpose was, if I remember rightly, for you to show the juniors that you need to fight aggressively against a bigger stronger opponent, not that you warned me. We have trained together for some time now, given the imbalance in size and weight why do you keep doing this?

JW: You’d like me to say it’s because I like it … haha. The purpose on Monday was as you say to show the juniors that no matter if you’re the underdog (in particular the girls) you still have a chance if you have heart. Your brain may well be telling you you can’t win, but you have to push that aside and at least try, don’t give in before it all kicks off.

Why do I keep doing it? For me personally it’s extremely rewarding. I get an opportunity to test what does & doesn’t work on someone who is bigger, stronger (dare I say it without offending you?) heavier than I am. I’m taking about the ‘cheats’ here because there is no way I would win if I played ‘fair’, so I don’t. I have to use my whole body to create the tiniest amount of movement, but with every small adjustment I may be gaining a long term advantage. I can promise you by the end I am absolutely exhausted, but this is the second reward, with each bout I not only gain information I also improve in fitness and strength.

GS: As I said earlier I am almost twice your weight, No offence at all, it is as it is. OK so each fight allows you to ‘probe’ more is that fair?

JW: Yes, no two bouts are the same. I always have to push aside the ‘I’m going to lose mentality at the start. I pretty much take it a stage at a time pulling on what worked last time where I can. I don’t forget the stuff that didn’t work, I will have thought about ‘why’ these didn’t work probably on a dog walk. If I have a possible ‘solution’ I may try that. I can’t plan ahead as such but I can prepare. Sometimes I have ‘something’ in mind that I want to try & I will attempt to manoeuvrer my way into it. I do listen to my mentors & will always try out their suggestions even if initially I think it’s not appropriate for me; I’ve been proven wrong many times…so again another lesson – don’t assume you know better…that’s good coming from someone who as you know knows everything … hahaha.

GS: OK so what is it like fighting as a small woman against a nasty violent bigger man?

JW: I don’t know what that’s like now. Fighting against you is extremely awkward, but I know

you, you’re not the ‘nasty violent bigger man’. I met the nasty violent bigger man years gone by & I promise you I would annihilate the chap I have in mind if I were to meet him today. So for me all the training over the past few years is working for me. Fighting against you & the other fellas in the club is rewarding….smelly, sweaty, exhausting, but rewarding.

GS:that is good to know. The thing is we know we train within safe parameters. We cannot bite, gouge etc. We do dirty fighting drills but I struggle as a man who would just go brute punching, to use such tactics, how can we do these things, should we?

JW: I personally have no desire to inflict injury on others or myself in the name of self defence, so I would say ‘no, we shouldn’t’. As a club we already go way further many other as you know & I am happy with that level. If you want to encourage women to learn (as I think we should) then that’s not the way to go, we don’t want to frighten them away before they even try. I have also seen that for those who want to go that extra mile likewise we will make it happen; I’m thinking of you & Johnny here.

GS: Well you surprise me a little here, You are quite aggressive in your application of technique in Ju Jitsu and very aggressive in our Self Defence training to the extent that I am incredibly proud of you if that is not patronising. For the reader Johnny and I have both had more than a few street/pub fights (with others) and we like to go for it a bit when we glove up.

JW: What can I say is I like to show heart. I’m in training for my 3rd Dan and know that I need to exhibit the techniques above the expected standard…that and perhaps I just like to occasionally inflict some pain on yourself & Lee, John…well all of your really.

GS: I think you do that and achieve a gold standard, to be honest there are times your face looks like you want to kill. Now do not play that down. Most women cannot do that. Sometimes I look up after you throw me and you are raining in punches and knees etc., all pulled of course, and it is scary. What are you thinking when you do this?

JW: Honestly? Not much other than … it’s hard to put into words. There’s a mixture of as a trained Ju Jitsuka wanting to show a fantastic ‘finish’, as a coach wanting the students to see how ‘we’ want them to exhibit a technique and then …this is where I go dark…. What I want to do to past & any potential attackers.

GS: That is interesting, as instructors we demonstrate technique after technique, Recently we have been showing people full mount, side mount etc. as part of our ground work. When we demo fights it is fun and you come at me full on. As you said I think that is excellent for the kids, especially the girls to see. WE want them to cheat, how do you feel about videos that show complicated technical chokes?

JW: First things first, I ain’t full on (haha) I go the extra mile but I have more in the tank trust me. Videos showing complicated technical chokes…it depends on who’s showing them, also the accessibility and target audience. These should not be out in the general public domain. They need governance.

GS: LOL so that is typical of you, not full on, well that will be sorted where you can go full on, I love fighting Johnny, I love fighting anyone in sporting fashion or for real, I love fighting you because you really go for it, so full on next time then. Thing is when we talked the other night you mentioned lack of feedback which I think was a fair criticism. Please explain to the reader what would help. For example whilst ground fighting the other night you used your knuckles in my left ribs, just digging them in on the blind-side. I can tolerate that but if you did it harder maybe it would shift me.

JW: Yes, so I guess the point is just that. If I ‘try’ something I am always (I know you don’t believe this) conscious of not going over the top. Look I grew up with two hairy arsed brothers who took great delight on one hand being my protectors (and still do) then on the other tormenting me & hanging my upside down by one leg over the bannisters. So I’m heavy handed. What is helpful to me is to work out when & how I do need to push a bit further, make my response / counter stronger to have an effect on someone who is heavier, stronger, more stubborn etc etc. That said I still appreciate someone who is adrenalised who will not necessarily respond in the same way.

GS: OK you know how much I respect you as one of my senior instructors, my favourite training partner and dog walking companion. One last question, do you think you can take me?

JW: My brain says ‘no’. This is not just based on a feel, this is based on the fact you are in my opinion a fighting machine, trained & condition over many years. I may well be a tom–boy, but I’m not to that ‘gold’ standard. What I can say is it would be messy. I may not win, but I’d go down fighting.

GS: I think that is why I hold you in the deepest respect. I think you would extract a great deal out of me so it would be a poor victory if we fought for real. We need to now explore how we can push the boundaries. You may be little but you always punch well above your weight. I think with the right circumstances and conditions you could wipe the floor with anyone, me included.

So, for once, I think you are wrong, you have the attitude, the aggression and the ability. I know, I have the ability to drop bigger, better guys, been there and done it many times. That is why I know you, given the window of opportunity, can cream me if you get that sweet shot in. You may be little but you are determined.

We need to work on some drills that take us further. You need to help me shape them.

By the way we have a no holds barred fight owing 😉 Let’s see what you have. Soon.

JW: Hummm now you mention it I did drop Lee (technical knockout apparently), doubled Pete over & made Bill see stars! I have made some great friends and learnt many things, not all self defence related, during the years spent training. I think a lot of women would benefit from just experiencing a tiny piece of what I/we as a club have experienced. There’s a lot they can learn and fun to be had alongside the calorie burning they desire.

DISENGAGE THE ATTACK, PT 2 – Teja Van Wicklen

Look Out! Behind You!

Sadly, we don’t have eyes in the backs of our heads, which is why it’s a good idea to try and avoid zoning out during certain daily activities. When we keep our heads moving our peripheral vision does its job. Zoning out is necessary, but moments should be chosen. It can’t hurt any of us to be a bit more present at times.

When practicing any form of self defense be sure to avail yourself of your peripheral vision. Tunnel vision blinds you to the accomplice. If you always assume there will be more than one, you will never be surprised. The guy in front of you or in your line of site or talking to you is not always your biggest problem. Criminals often work in tandem, so assume there are at least two, if not three.

The hard part, of course is remembering to move your head while you are diving out of the way of the car that is bearing down on you.

Humans are pack animals so thinking in these terms can only help you on many levels. Adverse family and office conditions can also be disarmed through awareness of group dynamics.

(For in depth analyses of Group Dynamics the best information I know of can be found on the ConflictResearchGroupIntl.com site, Marc MacYoung’s blog at NoNonsenseSelfDefense.com and in Rory Miller’s book Conflict Communications.)

The Weapons Complication

Another good assumption to make is that at least one weapon will be involved in any planned attack. Hopefully it is yours. That said, it is better for you to choose where you get cut than for your attacker to choose. Those are the hard facts. If you have to make a run for it or commit to an attack, the back of your hand or your body is better than the front.

Weapons Tracking

If a weapon is involved and it is moving (and you can’t simply avoid it or run), track the movement from your attacker’s shoulder to his elbow rather than fixating on the hand. It is a matter of physics that the hand will be much faster than the shoulder and therefore more difficult to track. Stay to his side rather than his center and try to stop the shoulder and elbow, damage the limb, yank the arm to make him release the weapon, slam the weapon arm into a wall or the floor, etc.

Shoot The Gap

There are ways to escape from a group of people if you find yourself at the center, and it involves something called Shooting The Gap. You find the weakest gap in the group, usually around hip level between the two guys paying the least attention, make yourself as small as possible, often by turning to the side, and dive through the hole with all of your speed and weight behind you.

The element of surprise is always a useful and important tool. If you can look like you aren’t about to make your escape you will fair better.

Run To Safety, Not Just Away From Danger

Once out, keep going. The hard part is to make intelligent choices under the influence of an adrenaline rush. At the very least, try not to avoid the truck and drive into the lake.

Avoid Center Mass

Try to avoid the center of your attacker’s body. His center is where he is strongest. It is where he can most easily grab you or harm you. If at all possible, stay to his side or his back. The side of the neck, base of the skull, kidneys, even back and side of the knee are better places to be and to attack than the front of the body, as a general rule.

Attack Position

In self defense classes the majority of practice takes place standing face-to-face, whereas in reality this is only one of many possible positions. Face-to-face attacks usually occur between people who are challenging each other in some way, as in a barroom brawl or a dispute, a good old fashioned mugging, or what is known in reference to gangs as an Educational Beat Down (EBD) in which a lesson is enforced. EBDs can also occur in Domestic Violence situations as in a husband (or wife) over-enforcing a house rule or demanding respect. Sometimes date rape occurs face-to-face but not always standing up, which is again how most practice is done. Since Face-to-Face attacks constitute only a portion of criminal confrontations your self defense class may be leaving out some important scenarios.

Women tend to be physically attacked in the following ways as well, according to police reports: grabbed from behind to be moved to a more private location, pushed to the ground or hit first as a warning.

(We are discussing physical positioning in this section. Remember that coercion is one of the most insidious ways to gain compliance. A criminal who threatens extreme violence against you or someone you love or threatens to expose something you have done may induce you to tie yourself up without his needing to lift a finger.)

There is no way to construct an exact replica of the type of emergency that might occur, so we are always dealing in approximations. Practicing one or even three positions over and over is counterproductive. To begin, what we need is to understand the tangled, frenetic and ever-changing nature of an attack situation and to choose a few options that can be performed from virtually any position.

Street harassment; boredom, reputations and FOC it! – Wendy Dorrestinj

Over the years I have read and heard all sorts of advice about how to deal with street harassment. Mostly this advice was given by a wide variety of (self defense) instructors and sometimes by self-appointed experts. Sadly, only a minority of these tips were built on solid knowledge, let alone empiric evidence.

With this blog I would like to inform you about the most common form of street harassment, the dangers and the dynamics behind it and offer you some solutions. This blog is written from a Law Enforcement perspective and based on 20 years of law enforcement experience with an academic background in policing and behavioral sciences. Although the topic “street harassment” might suggest that the blog is written for women, it is actually not. Street harassment is something that both men and women are facing on a daily basis. (Loeber, 2001) Although a blog is too short to cover all the ins and outs of youth group dynamics and how to deal with it, my goal is to offer you some easy to remember, useful rules of thumb.

The estimations of how many women at one point in their life experiences any form of street harassment differ between 50% and 90%. The percentages of men experiencing street harassment are lower; the estimation is somewhere between 30-60%. Compared to men, women are more often confronted with street harassment within a sexual context, while men are relatively more often confronted with harassment based on crime and power struggles. The common denominator for both men and women is street harassment based on “street games”.

These percentages not only depend on where the question is asked; what is perceived as harassment in one culture may be seen as “normal street behavior” in another. It also depends on the definition of street harassment. For one person, cat calling won’t be a problem, for another, it can be very intimidating. Whatever your location, cultural background or definition of harassment is, please remember; this is your life and your body and no one else’s. Nobody has the right to touch you without your permission, nobody has the right to call you names or to judge your appearance, even when this “judging” is covered by so called compliments. You have the right to set your boundaries and the right to protect your body. How to set your boundaries is part of this blog.

The sole culpability for harassment lies with the perpetrator. It is his, and not his victim’s choice to play the game, commit the crime or to start the dynamic. However, you do have a responsibility for your own wellbeing and safety. To some extend your own behavior can influence the decision of the perpetrator to (not) attack or to harass you. (Becker, 1998) I realize that this might not be the most political correct or popular sentence in this blog, but it is, simply, the truth. At the other hand, it might feel encouraging to know that the key to your own safety is in your hands and not in someone else’s. (Beyond the Split Second; Reality Based Training in High Risk Law Enforcement Operations, 2015)

For this blog I will focus on the most common form of street harassment; “street games”, a game played by male youth groups on the streets of many western cities and villages. This form of street harassment is a calculated and instrumental form of aggression and intimidation, which means that the perpetrator starts the game with the idea that he (or they) will be the winner in this dynamic. And that is where you’re options are…

The first pillar of youth groups: Boredom/Entertainment
The first thing you have to realize when dealing with youth groups on the street is that they are bored as hell; the whole reason for hanging out on the street is to look for entertainment. Entertainment in the form of admiring each other’s new cellphones/sunglasses/shoes/latest moves/whatever. Once they’re done with the admiring part, they will be looking for some new entertainment. And that is where you come in. They will try to use you as their new form of entertainment. That is, unless you’re able to break or ignore the dynamic…

The second pillar of youth groups: Reputation
The second thing you have to realize is that credibility, reputation and hierarchy are strongly related and that reputation is one of the most important things for youth group members. There is something to win and something to lose for the group member in the process of intimidation. Although alcohol and/or drugs will influence ones perception of risk and weakens ones inhibition (self-control), the origin of the intimidation/cat calling/harassment is still an instrumental one: entertainment and fortifying the reputation within the group. (Bond, 1997)

Street credibility is based on the individual performance (perceived toughness by group members) and their contribution to the group. Actions like cat calling and intimidation can contribute to the perceived toughness ad therefor the status within the group. However, a failed attempt to intimidate a bystander can be disastrous for one’s status. This can lead to the need to retaliate and re-establish ones position. With a second (or third) attack as a result, often with an increased level of aggression. In other words: Think twice before you engage in the street game and “out smart” the perpetrator. And especially for the male readers of this blog: don’t let your ego stand in the way between you and your safety.
(For more information about youth groups see http://straatcontact.nl/ (Dutch))

So, by now I might have confused you. In the first half of this blog I told you that you have the right to defend yourself and the right to set boundaries. In the second half of the blog I warned you to be careful and think twice before you engage in the dynamic of street games. How do those two things add up?

The answer is: FOC it!

While walking on the street, you might encounter a youth group. By now you know they are probably bored and looking for some entertainment. You decide not to be part of that entertainment. If you have the possibility to avoid direct contact with the group without being noticed, use that possibility. You need to scan for options (basically lesson 1 in krav maga) Cross the road and walk at the other side and continue your journey. However, crucial in this case is “without being noticed”. As soon as the group has you in their sight, and they see you avoiding them, you will be perceived as an easy victim. If you can’t avoid them without being “detected”, pass them. Pass them in the same way you would pass a group of senior citizens; Friendly, Open and with Confidence.

Friendly and Open means: Engage in eye contact as you would do with any other group. If it is normal in your culture to greet people when you pass them, greet them now. If it is normal to greet people with a friendly smile, give them that smile now. No eye contact, not greeting and not smiling can be perceived as either an act of aggression or an act of fear. Both can start the entertainment/reputation dynamic you don’t want. Regarding the eye contact; make eye contact in a way that is perceived as normal within the culture you’re living in. In most cultures, avoiding eye contact is a way of submissive behavior. Engaging eye contact for too long, is a sign of dominance. Again, either positions can start the entertainment (submissive)/reputation (dominance) dynamic, which you want to avoid.

Crucial in dealing with youth groups is Confidence. The good news is that you don’t have to be confident to be perceived as confident. “Fake it until you make it”, can bring you home safely. So, while approaching the group and reminding yourself to appear “friendly and open”, walk straight up, make yourself tall, shoulders straight, breath a bit more slow and deep than usual (you’re probably a bit stressed by now and this is a good way to hide it) and walk with solid, firm steps like you’re walking straight to your destination. Maintain a healthy distance between you and the group at any time. Healthy meaning; healthy for you; don’t come so close that you’re easy to grab or to kick at. This will also help you to stay out of the group dynamic; if you come to close (or even in) the group, you’ll be a part of their territory and therefor interesting to play their games with.
(For more information about body language see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc )

If anybody tries to engage with you or tries to pull you in their dynamic, you respond with a friendly but confident and clear response. Something in the line of “(Sorry) Am in a hurry, no time to talk”, and you continue your walk. Whether or not you start your sentence with “sorry” depends, again, on your culture. In some situations the “sorry” will be perceived as weak, in some situations the lack of the word “sorry” might be perceived as passive-aggressive.

If they approach you in a more intimidating way, you simply say “No” or “Stop … (behavior)” in a clear and confident way. Say it and mean it, and pretend that you firmly believe in it even if you don’t. You continue your route and leave the group behind. If you’re really afraid, wave at a (non-existing) friend in the crowd in the direction in which you’re going and say loud: “Hi! There you are” and walk firmly to your “friend” meanwhile scanning for possibilities and possible threats.

If the threat is getting more serious and you’re being attacked, fight like you trained in your krav maga classes; deal with the danger and run.

Sometimes a group is just looking for some serious trouble. In those cases, the rules of thumb from above don’t apply and the only safe way out is by not getting in. A clear example of a group actively looking for trouble is the group in this YouTube video. You’ll see active, wide body language, a lot of energy and the group is wide spread over the street. All signs that they’re not bored and clearly not looking for entertainment but looking for some serious trouble. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIurRO0r4b4

To summarize: youth groups behavior is built on 2 pillars: Boredom/Entertainment and Reputation. By acting friendly, open and confident you decrease the chance that you’ll be part of their entertainment/reputation game because you’re simply not playing along in the dynamic.

Bio
CMDR D holds an MA in Policing, an MA in behavioral Sciences and an MSc in Public Management. Additionally, D is the only person in The Netherlands who is certified to lead (intervention) units as a bronze, silver and gold commander in both LE and firefighting operations. D is currently working on a PhD Research “Beyond the Split Second; Reality Based Training in High Risk Law Enforcement Operations”.

Hide in Plain Site – Tammy Yard-McCracken, Psy.D.

Every predator hunts for specific prey. Humans are no different. We hunt for food and resources and occasionally, other humans. We like to think human predators are limited to violent sociopaths, serial rapists, and other overtly heinous people. We focus our research and training here because these predators are easier to identify than the low level predator subtly working his way into a victim’s life.

Low Level Predators, or “cockroaches” as Anna Valdiserri calls them (nicely done Anna), are invisible until they are crawling around inside multiple layers of their victim’s social contexts. Turn the lights on and they disappear –metaphorically speaking. If you shine light on their actions they will default back into slightly less intrusive scripts or blame their prey as the source of conflict. As Rory mentions in Self-Defense Failure Zone (April 2016, Conflict Manager), they use the same skills you do to navigate social terrain. Evidence of their predation is damned subtle. That little itch you get around the creeper gets ignored because the source of that itch is disguised as normal behavior.

Rory wrote that a participatory and active mindset has the best shot at shutting creepers down. I agree. And to take action early enough to avoid a cascade of defensive maneuvers (which don’t usually work very well), you have to see it coming. You have to be able to identify the threat, and Low Level Predators camouflage their predation. It’s easier to identify something if you already know a few of the markers, so let me introduce you to Julie, David and Jason*. They can help explain this.

We’ll start with Julie. She is starting over. Living with friends, she needs to make connections through their community while she gets herself settled. Her housemates introduce her to the neighbors, Paul and Danielle. Julie and Danielle form a tight bond. It takes time, but they become best-friend close. Julie listens and encourages Danielle’s misgivings about her marriage and simultaneously deepens her own friendship with Paul (the husband).

Julie babysits so Paul and Danielle can have alone time. She meets with Paul when he needs advice on how to reconnect with Danielle. Julie suggests he let Danielle explore her bisexual interests to spice up their marriage. Instead, the marriage craters. Danielle moves out of town and Julie goes to visit. Paul pays for Julie’s airfare because she is both broke and the only one who might be able to bring Danielle back to him. Julie visits Danielle and completes the yearlong seduction. Paul and Danielle’s marriage is Julie’s third coup – she has used this hunting pattern before.

Now David:

Katelin is David’s protégé in a finance company. He is a control freak but helps catapult her into a high profile position. We make a good team. You’re patient with my micromanaging and you know how take the initiative. Because of her patience, he was learning how to dial down the controlling behavior. You’re the first person I have trusted to manage big accounts with little oversight. Katelin knows she has to pay her dues and bites her tongue when David’s praise is only used to soothe the sting of his sharp criticisms. Long days turn into late nights. David jokes with Katelin, you must be magical- my wife trusts me to work late with you.

As mentor and supervisor David occasionally enlists Katelin’s feminine intelligence to help him choose a gift for his wife, the one who trusts her to work late with him. Then he discloses he has a woman in his life other than his wife. It’s long term and he loves them both…and then a second mistress emerges and Katelin is buying gifts, sending flowers, for all three. It looks like she has something “on him” now, doesn’t it? But it is the other way around. The way she describes it, David has her hostage. Katelin is pretty sure he will sabotage a job change with a scathing reference if she tries to leave – she is “too valuable” to him.

When Katelin shrugs his hand off her shoulder he belittles the boundary. No offense girl, but you’re just one of the guys. He commandeers a presentation and later explains he was protecting her from a misogynist colleague. He is concerned that her boyfriend is too controlling and tantrums when she refuses his advise to ditch the bastard. When he bullies her for making a mistake, she writes it off as just trying to help her climb the ladder and the tantrums are just his way of showing that he cares. Finally, David gives Katelin an ultimatum: Lose the boyfriend or the job. He thinks the boyfriend is abusive and it is interfering with her focus at work.

Low level Predators come in as many flavors as we have social scripts. I knew David and Julie. I also knew Ellie and Katelin. I’m sure there is more to both stories but these are the details I have to share. Their stories also read like case studies and it’s easy to go academic. The problem with taking an academic attitude? We get to distance it. It happens to other people. So let’s get to know Jason. I can introduce him better because this campfire story is mine.

My first year out of college I moved into an old upstairs flat a few hours from home for my first big-girl job. On moving day, my downstairs’ neighbor stopped by to introduce himself. He helped my father haul in the heavy stuff and promised to look out for me. Jason shook my dad’s hand and looking at me added – I’m here if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.

In the beginning, we did the neighbor wave when we passed. He checked in to make sure I was finding everything around town. A few weeks later he brought me ‘left overs’ –made dinner for a friend and had extra. When I missed work with the flu, he dropped off some chicken soup. Driving back and forth to visit my fiancé, Jason remarked that he thought my brakes were getting bad- I should have them looked at. He looked in on my cat when I was gone and with each trip pressed the brake issue – I can take a look at them for you. I came home from work one night to find my thermostat stuck in the on position heading for 100 degrees in the dead of winter. He heard me throwing windows open and came to help. None of this flagged, just seemed like a nice guy (maybe a little pushy)– good neighbor behavior.

Passing hellos turned into dialogue. I didn’t really want to chat but he was obviously lonely, never saw him with friends. I felt sorry for him. It won’t kill me to be nice to the guy…

My mail carrier was a friend. He was the first one to say something. He noticed Jason going through my mail. I blew it off. Next, Jason showed up on my doorstep with a vase of flowers, saying they were left over from something at his mother’s house.

He knew things about my friends, my job, and my routines that struck me as a little over-informed but we lived in a small town. In a small town if you forget what you’re doing just ask a neighbor…

Then one morning my phone rang. It was Jason. Hey, you okay? You’re usually in the shower by now, didn’t want you to be late for work. Thought maybe you’d overslept.

Now I was paying attention and it was too late to be anything but reactive. More flowers. I refused. He left them anyway. Sent them to my work. Shamed me for not accepting them. He would coincidentally be at the grocery store when I was. When I changed my routines he found reasons to be out in the alley behind our flat when I was coming home. Grabbed my groceries from my car and insisted on carrying them up.

When I set hard boundaries he cowed. Asked to talk, wanted to make amends, apologize. Nice people forgive. I granted the audience. He leaned against the inside of my door blocking the exit. We’re going to get married, you and I. He explained I would eventually see that we were destined for each other–I would come to my senses. The wedding I was planning was for him, not my fiancé, I just hadn’t figured it out yet, but he had detailed plan of how it was going to go down.

Jason played on all the social scripts that worked to get close to me. He waited until we had a solid neighborly relationship and set the stage by putting my dad’s paternal fears at ease as ad hoc oversight. When I set boundaries he complied, sulked and then escalated from a different angle. It ended because I married my fiancé after all and left the state. Stalking was not a crime until it went physical in the 80’s – and by textbook analysis, it was headed there.

Low Level Predators use a broad range of social tactics to hunt. Julie played on the intimacy of female friendship. David used position and status. Jason played out a toxic version of the boy-meets-girl romance script. David and Julie both blamed their prey for the ensuing chaos. What Jason’s story was – I can only guess. I never went back to ask. What’s important is this: they all felt unjustly accused. It’s possible they were authentically unconscious. Even so, allowing creeping victimization** to pass without impunity is not a social script anyone should follow.

Welcome to the problem. Low level predatory behavior is insidious. The scripts are being followed and creeping victimization gets a pass. For everything being written on violence, on this subject our depth of game is, what? Thin? That’s an understatement. We talk about the “cockroaches” when we see them, but we don’t ask the hard questions and we don’t get deep enough to look for their patterns. We don’t ask and we don’t look because doing so requires getting our hands dirty.

I want to ask questions like; when the victim gains from the relationship (Katelin’s career did advance substantially), is there a point when it ceases to be victimization? With Julie and Ellie, is there a point where Ellie becomes a collaborator instead of Julie’s target? And when I ask these questions, am I victim blaming?

How about this, if talking about Low Level Predators doesn’t actually benefit anyone then isn’t it just mental masturbation? If people are going to benefit, we need to start looking at the Low Level Predator patterns and see if there are reliable tells. Then if the tells are reliable, we need to ask if those tells are consistent enough to be useful. I agree Rory’s active mindset has the best shot at shutting creepers down and if that’s going to be a coachable skill we need to get our hands dirty.
*For obvious reasons the names are fictitious but the people are real.

**Creeping Victimization is a phrase Rory used in the previous referenced article.

DISENGAGE THE ATTACK, PT I – Teja Van Wicklen

“Decide to be your own bodyguard.”
~ Lori Harman Gervasi, from her book Fight Like A Girl and Win

Since we can’t count on the cavalry riding in or on our attacker’s ineptitude for our survival, we need a plan, preferably one that is tailored to us. The only way to do this, is to learn what options we have for stopping a person or people who are willing to cheat, and who probably outclass us in strength and fight experience, and piece together our own best strategy. But the plan begins with how well we know ourselves, our situation and our reactions.

I write for regular people and families, so what follows is not for martial arts competitions or face-to-face encounters, necessarily. It is a break down of what average people might want to know about physical fights, including the mental aspects.

At least some of what I am about to lay out here should be common information for most people of a certain age. The fact that it isn’t, is a testament to how cut off we have become from our own ability to protect ourselves from bodily harm. Girls most of all should grow up knowing some of this stuff. Most boys know how to throw, and run by the age of eight. By ten many have a basic understanding of fighting. Young human children, like other predators, play-fight constantly, or, at least, they want to. Games like dodge ball, red-rover and tag are meant to exercise and exorcise the primordial need children have to explore their physical world and test the boundaries of their own strengths. These days animals are more likely to need those skills than we are most of the time, but contact and physicality are still necessary and healthy. They teach appropriate distance and contact, boundary setting and consequences much better than stern faces and finger pointing ever can.

“Social Animals build bonds by playing together,
testing their strengths and limits, and in doing so, they learn trust.”
~ from the TV Show, Nature: Odd Couples

One of the best ways for kids to learn about physical self protection is through their parents. That means we need to learn about it so we can direct our kids towards a healthy and realistic approach to the physical exploration of violence, danger and safety. I am not by any means encouraging you to share all the information in this multi-part article with your kids. But if you have a big-picture view, it follows that you will make a better guide.

Some amount of play fighting as kids or martial arts and self defense training as adults is crucial and empowering. Preparing for life-threatening emergencies wakes up a part of our brain we rarely use, sharpens thought processes and prepares us for all manners of adversity. The thing about violence is, it is somehow a microcosm for everything we do. It is so much a part of our world that understanding it slows time and allows us to see things we didn’t know were there. A person who understands violence is at liberty to strategize and make bold choices in life. Exploring these landscapes will help make you more effective in any situation that requires you to make split second decisions with lasting ramifications.

So here you are. Someone you may or may not know has targeted you. Or, more precisely, he (remember that he can mean she or the dreaded they) came up with a plan to do something or get something (Intent); he then tested you to see if you would make it easy or hard (Interview); he invited you to a party, waited for you outside your office or lured you to his car (Position); now you’re at ground zero and the Attack is imminent. Let’s make the stakes high – severe bodily harm or death. We want to make an impression on our brain so this information sticks.

Here are some ideas that have been percolating for a while:

The Grand Dilemma

You may very well have to use deadly force to get away from an attack due to strength, leverage and weight discrepancies between you and your attacker or attackers. You are certainly going to have to use every ounce of smarts you are in possession of. And just to make it worse, your maximum force and smarts may not even be enough. He may not be bigger or stronger – he may be a she – but she may have a weapon, be in the throws of a psychotic break or drug induced euphoria, or all of the above. Each set of circumstances is different. There is no one size fits all solution to self defense no matter what anyone tells you. A kick will not always work, neither will pepper spray.

To complicate things further, there are things you can only do legally under threat of death or severe injury, but if you wait to find out what his plan is it can easily be too late. To do or not to do. To kill or maim or to die. These are the decisions we, in a civilized society have to juggle. This is the grand dilemma–what you have to do to survive versus what is legal. To add insult to injury you will probably have a miniscule amount of time to make an educated decision that impacts the rest of your life.

The more information you have and the more decisions you have made ahead of time, the better your position will when you have no time to think. At least, in theory based on books and accounts by people who have been through some serious shit.

Willing and Able

Someone has chosen to hurt you because you are at a disadvantage. You are smaller, weaker, distracted, too nice, have a baby with you, are wearing clothing or shoes you can’t move in. He is, in short, fighting very dirty. He is picking you because he knows he can beat you. Whether or not he turns out to be right may well depend on just how dirty you are WILLING to fight and just how dirty you are ABLE to fight.

Check in with yourself about the following three points:

What do you have to live for? Who do you have to live for? How important are you to yourself and to others? Are you important enough to yourself? And the similar question: If you were in a life or death situation, what could you think of that would give you the strength to do the impossible? A person. A goal. Something else.

What specific lengths would you be willing to go to to survive? Could you kill someone if they were willing to kill you and you knew it in your soul? Could you damage someone irreparably? Poke out an eye? Would you sacrifice a limb to save your child? To what lengths do you think you are willing to go to survive?

Fighting, contrary to Hollywood movies, is very messy stuff. There are bodily fluids, gore and overwhelming emotions that weigh you down and clog your head with black goo. When we see our own blood, or any blood, we freeze in fear, afraid to do anything in case the next thing might be even worse.

It’s alright not to be sure. There isn’t even any data on whether exploring the ugly stuff will really help you in the event of an emergency. But there is a lot of conjecture by military and law enforcement experts that it helps greatly to have some understanding of these preliminary issues to avoid freezing and doing nothing in the event of a catastrophic emergency. And doing nothing in an emergency situation is almost always universally considered the worst thing to do.

If you ever have to make a life or death decision regarding yourself or someone you love, give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to survive. Make your peace with it now so you don’t stop and question yourself when every second counts.

You may or may not be capable of brutality, but you may need to consider it and give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children. Fighting for them means fighting for yourself even when they aren’t with you. You need to give it everything you’ve got unless you want them to have to endure a knock on the door by the police at 3AM to tell them Mommy isn’t coming home tonight, in fact she’s never coming home again. Unless you want your husband or mother, or grown kids to have to identify your body, you’re going to need to fight with everything you have, and not give up, no matter how much blood you see. Besides, the blood might be his.

If you look to the animal kingdom you will find plenty of instances of tiny animals scaring away or fighting off larger predators with Attitude and Determination. These are two things you will need in spades. The more of it you have, the more the other guy’s resolve will falter. And you want him busy second-guessing his choice, because it will help take the wind out of his sails, turn the tables and give you the upper hand. You may need a trigger for this. Think about it now. Your trigger may be the thought of your kids and this guy daring to try and take you away from them. It may be the pure rage of absolute indignation and incredulity. It could be hearing the music from Rocky in your head. It’s all good.

Kathy Jackson teaches women to understand and handle guns. Kathy has six children. She knows that we often protect others with more ferocity than we protect ourselves and she begins her workshops by making eye contact with each woman individually and telling her directly and in no uncertain terms, “You do not need permission from anyone else. You do not have to have someone else to protect or stay alive for. Your life is worth protecting with everything you’ve got. Your life is worth protecting. Period” She makes eye contact with each woman individually and repeats this mantra, because she knows women need to embody it.

Kung Fu Math – Jeff Burger

Talking with Sifu Lam about the importance of skill and strength and skill vs strength and how to prioritize my training and he gave me this.
I call it “Lam’s Equation”
10 skills = 1 strength
10 strengths = 1 will

I understood the 10 skills = 1 strength piece. You simply need a skill advantage to beat a larger stronger opponent. If you don’t think size and strength are factors then you are living a dangerous misconception.

I was confused on will, I took it as meaning heart.
A fighter who has heart just keeps going, tired, hurt, losing … he presses on, but that’s not what he meant by will.
He said it meant having a real reason to fight.

I was teaching a women’s self defense seminar when one woman walked away from the practice and just sat down.

I asked her if she was OK, she said ” I’m fine, I just don’t know why I’m here. I’m never going to be able to beat a man, they’re just stronger.”
I said “What if he is trying to rape of kill you?”
She replied “Read the papers, women get raped and killed everyday.”
The group had heard this and I could feel the moral drop.
I knew this woman personally and knew she had two daughters ( 8 & 10 ) so i asked her “What would you do if someone was trying to rape and kill one of your kids?”
She pretty much snapped, her posture went from defeated and hopeless to something unstoppable and crazy, scary and said “I’d ****ing kill them.”

OK, so what happened to change things? Why is it what she couldn’t possibly do for herself was something unquestionable for her kids? Not to sound cheesy but the answer is unconditional love for her kids, she had a real reason to fight.

So I told her “Think about what would happen to your kids if someone killed you. How would your death effect them ? Who would raise them ? You need to tell yourself I’m going to be there for my kids, I’m going to watch them grow up and be there for birthday parties, Christmas present, graduations, get married and I’m going to hold my grand kids and nobody is going to take that away from me.”

I took a few things away from that experience.

1. Don’t fight unless you have a real reason, if only for the fact that you wont fight your best ( not to mention legalities ).

2. Why couldn’t she tap into that for herself ? My thought is she ( we ) don’t love ourselves unconditionally.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe because we know all our short comings, even the stuff we’d probably never tell anyone, so maybe we feel unworthy of it. As for your children, well they can have all kinds of faults and we still love them unconditionally.

3. How could she ( we ) tap into that strength? You tell yourself this person has no right to take you away from your family.

Love or Fear

Social Conditioning: Women & Violence, Part I – Tammy Yard-McCracken, Pys.D.

An opening disclaimer is important: research, hard science, is difficult to find on this topic. Ethics as they are on human research prevents us from setting up attacks on a randomized sampling pool of unsuspecting, uninformed women. The ethical guidelines on human research are there for a reason. The result? What follows is based on anecdotal evidence, personal reports, my experiences and campfire stories passed along by people I respect. There will be bias in these words.

Setting the Context

A few years ago the news reported an 18-year-old woman fatally shooting a male intruder. She was at home with her infant when the home invasion began. She barricaded the door, called 911 and 20 minutes later, two assailants finally made entry. Just before they broke through her barricade, she asked the 911 Operator if it was okay if she shot them if they came through the door. Dispatch couldn’t “advise”, but when they made it inside her home, she fired and killed one. The other one took off (Gast, 2012).

Side Note: the dispatcher was not new on the job. She crafted her words carefully to avoid giving advice while telling the frightened woman to do what was necessary to protect “that baby”. Good on her.

A few weeks later a mom in her late thirties hid in a closet with her 9-year-old twins after calling her husband to say she thought someone was trying to break into the house. The intruder made entry, rummaged through personal belongings, and eventually opened the closet door. She fired. 5 times (Reese, 2013). As the events unfold the husband is calling 911 while he keeps his frightened spouse on the phone. He is recorded by the 911 Operator saying:

“She shot him. She’s shooting him, she’s shooting him…again.”

“I heard him pleading…He was screaming.”

These are examples of armed responses to violent action and imminent threat. Look past the use of a firearm and look at the behavior of these women. Retreat. Hide. Call for help. Wait. Ask for permission to act.

There is a decent correlation between the rate of adrenalization and gender. Women adrenalize more slowly than men as a whole, giving women time to plan before the higher level thinking skills go off line. Tobi Beck (Beck, 1992) gives credence to it in the book, The Armored Rose, and those anecdotal and personal experiences I was talking about back her up. If the correlation has a biological underpinning, it may partially explain the WHY both women delayed in using lethal force. It does not adequately explain the WHAT in their tactical choices. These women were armed and they chose to:

Barricade/buy time
Call someone for direction
Ask for permission to act
Retreat
Hide
Wait

Here are a few more.

Mother of two walking to her car. Sunday afternoon, sunny day, “good neighborhood”. Two men are in the area of her vehicle. One smiles, is this your car? Can I ask you a question about it? She smiles back, even though she doesn’t feel friendly and says she’s in a hurry but “what’s your question?”

Gun drawn, kidnapped and carjacked. Twelve hours later in a sudden stroke of something resembling a conscience one of them let’s her escape.

18-year-old woman trying to untangle herself with polite smiles and excuses about being poor dating material gets pulled down on his knee. Unnecessarily strong grip holds her there. Sit here, be my good luck charm in the poker game, baby. Forcing a smile, she complies and then leaves as soon as she can do it without making a scene. Quietly tries to slip out of the party and gets to her car. He’s there too, asks for a ride home. She knows something isn’t right but he’s stranded, his buddy is passed out drunk and he’s gotta’ get up early for work.

Gives her directions to a remote neighborhood and rapes her.

One more (although there are thousands of these to be had). Pumping gas in her personal vehicle mid-morning after her run as an elementary school bus driver, a distressed woman approaches. The woman has a black eye and looks a little frantic. I’m so sorry, I know I look horrible. I’m running. My boyfriend beat me and I’m trying to get away. I have a bus ticket but can’t get to the station – I almost have enough for the cab. I need, like 5 bucks…can you help?

Suspicious, but doesn’t want to be one of those people who looks away. A sister needs help. Nods and reaches into the car for her purse. Something hard slams into the side of her face and knocks her to the ground. The forlorn female in distress grabs the purse and takes off.

How and Why It Matters

These three incidents share commonalities and together with the two home invasions, the five cases help to highlight social scripts and cultural rules that drive female behavior in most post-modern societies.

Defer
Wait
Be polite
Smile (when she doesn’t feel like it)
Appear cooperative
Be helpful and compassionate
Subjugate personal need and intuition to someone else when the two conflict

Bullet list #1 + Bullet list # 2 =

Physical/Violent Action requires permission from an outside authority
Deflect, defer, wait, buy time, retreat
Be polite even when it isn’t warranted
Smile (you’re so much prettier that way, anyway)
Be helpful
Be cooperative
Be compassionate
Be quiet (and hide)
Everyone else’s needs/expectations are more important

Welcome to the Cliff Notes review of How To Be Female in Western Society, 101.

Martially trained women, if you are reading this, a part of you may look at the above list and argue. “No, not me. I know better.” Intellectual awareness and physical training will not override a couple decades of social programming if you refuse to acknowledge it lives in your thinking. If you won’t consider it, if you are certain none of the bullet points could possibly apply to you, it is a dangerous blind spot.

Force professionals, you may be tempted look at these examples with an eye toward identifying all the places each of these women screwed up. You are ticking off the behaviors that made her the perfect mark and the voice in your head may say, “she should have known better”.

And that’s the point. The behaviors and underlying beliefs that make a female an easy target are created by the social rules and expectations she has been marinating in from moment of her birth. This isn’t news and people like Gavin DeBecker have been writing about it for years (DeBecker, 1997).

End Part I.

Reference:

Beck, T. (1992). The armored rose, the physiology and psychology of women fighting in the SCA. Beckenham Publications, Avon IN.

Brizendine, L. (2006) The female brain. Morgan Publishing,

DeBecker, G. (1997). The gift of fear. Dell Publishing, NY, New York.

Gast, P. (2012) Oklahoma mom-calling 911 asks if shooting an intruder is allowed. Retrieved from http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/04/justice/oklahoma-intruder-shooting/.

Reese. R. (2013). Georgia mom shoots home invader, hiding with her children. Retrieved from http://abcnews.go.com/US/georgia-mom-hiding-kids-shoots-intruder/story?id=18164812.

Wong, Q. (2013). Gender and emotion in everyday event memory. Memory. 2013;21(4):503-11. doi: 10.1080/09658211.2012.743568. Epub 2012 Nov 28.