Author: Erik Kondo

Stop Using Fear Based Marketing – Randy King and Erik Kondo

Erik: Randy, you wrote a great blog piece on why reality based martial arts instructors should stop using fear marketing to attract students. I think it makes great points and I have included it below:

Randy’s Post:

Reality-based martial artists, stop it. Stop using fear-based marketing, you’re a bunch of asses. I cannot stand people using fear as a motivator to make people buy things from them. Why – why do you feel the need to frighten people all the time about violence when, statistically speaking, they’re probably never gonna see it? Why are you putting up reports from your local newspapers all over your advertising listing all the bad things that have happened, out of context?

So many things in there happen to people whose jobs put them in the line of danger, or those who exist in a world where violence is very common. It’s not “local housewife walks down to store and gets attacked” – which happens rarely, stranger danger being the least common thing yet the most commonly marketed method to get people into self defense gyms. It’s always “man stabbed three times by girlfriend” – yeah, that happened, but what was the context of it?  Taking something from one tiny little statistic and then using that to blitz a marketing campaign on social media, or on flyers, or in schools is low, and it makes all of us look bad.

If you’re not a good enough instructor to bring students in and retain them on your merits, if you have to scare the hell out of them to make them stay out of fear that when they leave your gym they will be attacked by random ninjas and vigilantes and rapists all the time … stop teaching!  Just stop – you’re not doing anybody any favors. If you need to keep people in by making sure they leave terrified, or you bring them in by making them terrified – it’s ridiculous.

There’s a difference between fear-based marketing and awareness campaigns for what is happening. We, for example put up things that are happening in Edmonton, where we’re based, but we put up the context of it, we put up the whole news story – not a sound bite. Stop jumping into sound bite Fox news lifestyle where it’s all about propagating fear and making everybody suspicious of everybody else.

(Stop hitting the panic button! Students who you bring in with fear campaigns will not stay!)

Yes – violence does happen. Usually it happens from people that you know, usually with that violence – to quote Marc MacYoung – it has instructions on how to stop it. “Shut the fuck up and leave” – you shut the fuck up and leave, you’re good. Usually, bad things happen to people in bad situations – they go to places they shouldn’t go, they don’t know the rules, they’re in the wrong spot. Rory Miller has a whole bunch of things listed in his book, Facing violence about this. But to use bad things to profit your own business to me is probably one of the dirtiest, most shameful things you can possibly do.

Erik: Some Reality Based Martial Arts instructors are just one category of what I call the Merchants of Fear. The Merchants profit when people are afraid. Sometimes the Merchants are motivated only by profit. Other times, they may be promoting a worthwhile social cause (stopping violence against women for example). But the end result is still the creation of a culture of fear.

One primary audience for the Merchants of Fear are middle class women who are either in college or young working professionals. This audience typically has the disposable income to buy products. They are coveted by media advertisers. They have the time and passion to support their cause of choice.

The Merchants benefit when it’s audience:

  • Buys their personal safety products.
  • Attends their self-defense training programs.
  • Watch and read their crime centric sensational news stories.
  • Demand their greater police visibility and presence.
  • Support their Anti-Rape and Anti-Violence Organizations.

Some of the Merchants send out varying messages that evolve around the same general theme. All women are likely victims. All women are constantly being assaulted in one form or another. All women need this type of weapon, special training, or society to protect them. Scary statistics such as 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted are prominently quoted.

 Suggestions that women have the natural resources/ability to defend themselves from assault in certain situations are sometimes denigrated as “victim blaming”. Some of the Merchants of Fear depend upon their target audience’s sense of victimization to further their respective businesses and causes.

The Merchants gain from its audience’s reduced Peace of Mind. Certain social causes pit the needs of the Individual against the needs of the Cause. The greater the victimization that appears to be occurring, the greater the support for the Cause. Society loses by increased feelings of helpless and fear, but the Cause wins more support.

Political candidates are increasing using the tactics of the Merchants of Fear to attract supporters.

Erik: Randy is there anything else you would like to add?

Randy: I have always found that there are two types of clients. Proactive and curative. The second group are training because something bad had happened to them. If you use fear based marketing, you not only rub their experience in their face for “not training sooner” (which is a giant pile of bullshit and you should know that!) you also run a huge risk of re-traumatizing them through your program.

The first group which thankfully is far larger, if you recruit them through fear, the only way to keep them is through the same method. You have to keep them scared, to pay your bills. If creating victims to scared to leave their home so that you get rich is how you roll…I hope that we never meet.

More on Risky Business – Maija Soderholm

They say you should imagine the scariest opponent you can think of, and that your training is valid if only if it works against them.

I get this – Certainly if your training only works against an inexperienced, clumsy, compliant, half-wit you are indeed doomed to failure. But is the opposite true for the other end of the scale?

Who would you most fear to cross swords with? Not in a sport context, but in an imaginary lethal encounter?

My personal nightmare is a bigger, faster, stronger, insane person. (Let’s not go into multiples/ambush/unarmed vs armed etc. Just keep it simple, to a one on one see ’em coming both equally armed context). And for me, the ‘insane’ part is the part that makes them the most scary. If someone is insane and does not care if they live, what options do you have? Not many. There is no potential harm you can threaten them with. They cannot be reasoned with, and the height/weight advantage means they outmatch you once contact is made.

When the odds get this bad, you have to risk everything to stand even a small chance of prevailing. Your options narrow down to the smallest of windows of opportunity, where the risk of injury or death is almost a certainty, and your only option is to ‘go’. Once. Win or Lose.

You could argue that this is the most important place to train because it matters the most. But it is also extremely rare. Many people might outweigh or outreach you, and there are certainly people out there who are more highly skilled, but insane? Not so much. For someone to care less if they ‘die’ just for the pleasure of taking you out? This takes a very particular type of individual with a very, very, personal grudge.

Why does any of this matter?

Because this is the opponent most people seem to fight, all the time.

Is this ‘wrong’?

There is a logic that says that if you have the answer to the most difficult problem, you also have the answer to all the easier problems, because the only thing that is changing in the equation is the threat level the opponent presents. As the threat level goes down, so the winning should become easier and easier. Right?

Well, kinda … yes, the technique might be very effective, but no, because the risk to self is left extremely high.

Remember, in training smart, we are looking for maximum gain for minimum risk. When you have no time or space, you have to judge everything, from range, to timing, to angle, perfectly. Even if there is only half an opening, you hope for some luck to add to your slight chance of surprise and you take it. Because you have to. And if nothing else, it never hurts to increase the chaos if you are losing.

But what of mere mortal opponents? I would argue that here, you actually do have the luxury of space, time, and especially rationality, to play with. You have choices, and those choices actually increase as the RELATIVE level of the threat decreases.

Rory once said something to the effect that time is a commodity, and one of the differences between a veteran and a rookie is knowing when you have it, and when you do not. If you do have it, it is far better to spend it gaining intel, rather than rushing straight into an unknown chaos without understanding what you might be facing.

Same can be said for sword play. If they are not insane, gain some intel first. Don’t risk yourself unnecessarily. You do have the time and the space. Use them. Make a smart decision.

I found the quote below on the internet. I have no idea if it is a real Native American saying, but I thought it was quite good. It speaks both to the difference in attitude whilst training versus in ‘reality’, but perhaps it also applies in a dueling situation, to the one who controls the game versus the one who does not?

“The huntsman can make many mistakes, the hunted, only one”.

Be the hunter.

 

Comment by Erik Kondo

Here is my interpretation of what you are saying. Please correct me as you see fit.

A person has both the ability and willingness to do you harm. If he is insane and determined to kill you at all costs. His will is not a point of weakness. It is fixed. Only your superior ability or your superior response will stop him. In this case, a category of response with a high degree of self-risk is acceptable under the circumstances.

But when a person has the free will to stop his attack at any time, then there usually exist multiple lower risk options available that target his Will-to-Continue. His Will-to-Continue could be his point of weakness.  In this case, the previous category of response with the high degree of self-risk is now not the “best” option. You could first explore other categories of responses with lower self-risk.

Therefore, the responses do not exist only on a linear continuum. They also exist in different dimensions.

Response by Maija

I think your phrase ‘Will-To-Continue’ is great, because that gives us the only question that matters –

“What will make them stop”?

Realizing that this is a question that can be answered to alter the outcome in most cases (apart from with the rational or irrational crazies) now gives you time to find out what that answer might be.

Sometimes the answer IS me, physically forcing them to stop, at other times it could be them deciding not to continue due to external circumstances, or perhaps realizing that they have made a big mistake by miscalculating the threat posed to them.

I can influence their decision by how I act, what I say, how I move, what I do.

Everything I do has to swing the risk reward equation towards risk (for them). And it’s important to note that the equation needs to stay in risk/reward mode, and not win/lose mode. People emotionally hate to lose, and make very risky, and often irrational, decisions to avoid doing so.

If they are in survival mode, they need to feel like prey.

In social mode, they need to feel like they made the decision to not continue for themselves, to avoid feeling like they are ‘losing’.

In rational mode, you have to show them that the risk is not worth the reward, but have to worry less about it being a personal insight than just showing it as it is.

Finally, just a reminder that this is a piece about swordplay, so what I say comes from a limited view. It has ‘edges’. I do not speak from a self-defense perspective, but admittedly, the cross overs in tactics are obvious.

Natural vs. Traditional – Armin Hutter

After being unsatisfied with teaching some very traditional fighting technique again, I decided to make an experiment and dedicate part of the next three training sessions to the most ancient art of unarmed fighting: the traditional cavemen-style (for those, who don’t know it, it’s like crazy monkey kung fu, just without the kung fu). The results were quite interesting, but let’s start from the beginning.

I started the experiment with 5 participants of different stages of fitness and martial arts experience:

  • 1 young woman with 2 month of martial arts training and very good fitness level
  • 1 young woman with 5 month of martial arts training and mediocre fitness level
  • 1 older woman with 6 years of martial arts training and very low fitness (and health) level
  • 1 mediocre aged man with 6 years of martial arts training and good fitness level
  • 1 mediocre aged woman with 30 years of martial arts training and mediocre fitness level

With Bruce Siddle’s (Sharpening the Warrior’s Edge) recommendations for teaching survival skills in Mind I tried to…

  • let Students learn basic components within three minutes
  • let Students see Technique work
  • let Students experience the technique personally in the first training session

The recommendation to let Students have a positive field experience would come in the last training session.

I introduced the flailing forearm strike in our first training session, which lasted about 15 minutes. During this time we handled the basic understanding and the power generation. Training the technique first in slow motion with a partner and after that with full power and speed on a kicking shield, I expected us to need at least 20 minutes to half an hour for the beginners to learn and understand. I also expected the more experienced participants to overcomplicate things. I underestimated both (the old stagers thought it through afterward, but it worked without thinking anyway). We even added some „extras“ like using the same motion for a hammerfist strike at slightly longer range and everybody was happy.

The results of the first training session:

  • the two young women at least tripled their power and speed
  • the older woman at least doubled her power
  • the man (who already did hit hard) doubled speed
  • the last woman (who already was fast) doubled speed and power

So far a impressing result for the first 15 minutes. Let’s see what comes next…

In the second training session we started with a brief revision of the basic technique, followed by some work at the dummy. We talked about targeting and then everybody got a chance to try his skills with full power and speed versus an human looking target.

The results of the second training session:

  • the two young women were surprised by the pain they experienced when hitting the dummy but got over it with the second round
  • two of the women had glitches when striking an human looking target. This mixed up their targeting: they didn’t dare to strike to the neck or head

So we have speed and power combined with some good targeting and found some glitches. For all of this we needed about 30 minutes.

In the third training session we started with a revision of the basics again and then introduced some dynamic stress test. Our “bad guy“ in heavy torso and head armor (with additional earplugs) would grab a participant from behind, trying a kidnapping or beatdown. Once the participant turned with a sweeping forearm strike the “bad guy“ kept this drill fast moving with a lot of forward pressure.

 

The results of the third training session:

  • every participant did hit even faster and more powerful, even when moving backward
  • only one of the women still showed the glitch not to hit the head or neck

So after 30 more minutes we erased one glitch, let students have a positive „field experience“ and enhanced power and speed even more.

To get these results in 75 minutes of training a traditional technique (by which method ever) seems hard. Since our short experiment, we included an additional drill to our regular training, combining progressive boundary setting with our “new technique“. I walk toward my students holding a big kicking shield. When I get too near, they raise their “visual fence“ with a verbal “no“. When I advance further I get a second  “NO“, and when I touch the  “visual fence“ with the kicking shield they explode and push me once through the room with their forearm strikes. And they still get faster…

Fighting Godzilla – Kevin O’Hagan

‘I am going to play devil’s advocate in this following article and hopefully give you some food for thought.’

I watch with mild amusement but also a fair amount of worry at many of the clips on social media of today’s so called ‘reality combat systems.’

When it comes to self defence techniques the majority of these systems have only one answer to an attack and that is to respond by totally annihilating their attacker and leaving them in a ‘gooey’ pile on the ground.

No matter what form of attack they face. Whether it is a wrist grab, shirt tug, headlock, punch or knife it will all end with the same response…beat the fucking living daylights out of the bastard. Gouge their eyes out, rupture their spleen, splatter their balls into mush and then collapse their windpipe and finish by battering their cerebellum until they drop to the floor a twitching, dribbling wreck!

Now many of these systems were developed as close quarter combat for the military to use in times of war. When they didn’t have a weapon available the last resort was to go hand to hand. It was literally kill or be killed! Extreme circumstances call of extreme responses.

The question is should these techniques be taught to the general public? Should they also be taught as self defence?

Every country has its laws and many vary but when it comes to self defence most are near enough the same.

Marc McYoung in his excellent book, In the name of self defence makes the important observation that self defence is a crime. Yes read that again. If you are pleading self defence you have got to justify your actions and prove it wasn’t a crime.

Everybody is answerable to the law of the land unless you are a criminal.

Military, Police, security and the general public are all answerable for their actions and the amount of force they use. There are no exceptions. Different circumstances certainly, but no exceptions.

Professionals that deal with violence understand about force continuum. This is a scale of force they work to depending on the threat level they are faced with.

Police for instant do not C.S gas and baton every person they encounter breaking a law. They will decide whether to use a verbal command or a physical action from control and restraint, cuffing, gassing or baton depending on the circumstances.

It has all go to be justified and answerable to a higher order.

But what about then the general public that might never have engaged in physical conflict?

Surely they would know nothing of force continuum?

They are not professionals?

True. But we are not just talking about an average member of the general public. We are talking about trained Martial artists in this instance.

These people are presumably trained to fight. If you spend a great deal of your time learning how to inflict pain and hurt on another human being then surely you should also know about the law and self defence and also the force continuum model? It is your duty as an Instructor or student alike.

If you don’t know then you will have plenty of time to practice your ‘killer techniques’ in the showers in D block in one of the many prisons around the world.

So should we be teaching these nefarious techniques to others?

Well let’s remember self defence is scenario based. No two situations are the same. Depending on what is actually unfolding around you will determine the level of your response. Remember the appropriate response may or may not be a physical one.

Maybe the situation requires you to disengage, run, hide, escape, de-escalate, and negotiate?

Physically you may have to, use a breakaway technique, control and restraint, immobilise, subdue, submit, and incapacitate, knockout or even kill?

Your job is to know which of these responses are appropriate at the time. Not easy. But this is what we should be training for. Not everything is code black  and seek and destroy.

The law doesn’t expect you to get everything right down to the letter under the pressure of a real attack but if you are walking around boasting what a deadly fighter you are, black belt, cage fighter, Rambo or Ninja turtle, the law will presume that you have the necessary skills to make the right call more so than Joe Public would.

So can you take another’s live in the eyes of the law? Yes but you are going to have to prove it and justify it. If you can’t you are in big trouble. Remember it is a crime until proven otherwise. There is no free license to kill another even if you are being raped at gunpoint or some psychopath is trying to take your head off with a machete.

I n these extreme circumstances you may be prepared to do what is needed in that moment and answer to the law later.

There are no exceptions and you are accountable for your actions. Just as every man is. You will still have to prove you were justified in what you did.

The simplest way to view if you are justified is imagine you are sat on a jury and listening to yourself explain your actions. Would you agree with them or would you view it differently? Would all the jury members agree that yes it was justified?

You have always got to consider your actions and the consequences. Real life is not a film were people can go around breaking arms, necks and laws without being answerable.

When using physical technique for self defence you should ask yourself these questions.

Are my actions needed?

Are they necessary?

Did I have any other choice or option open to me?

Are my actions justified?

There are two sides to self defence training.

Learning how to defend yourself and with what and knowing when to defend yourself and with what.

In the dojo you can play out any technique without consequence but outside of the protected gym environment it is a different story.

You would do well to remember you will not always be fighting Godzilla.

 

Interview with Ed Calderon, Part II – Terry Trahan

TT: What would you say is the main thing you want people to learn or realize through your teaching and writing?

That they are all capable of protecting themselves and others and that the more they educate themselves the more dangerous they become. It’s all about being a dangerous person for me. A creative individual. Thinking outside the box ….a criminal of purpose.

 

TT: What are the most important things you think people should learn in order to keep themselves safe?

I’d say emergency medical management is the best start to anything. Firearms, combatives, urban survival etc.. All of these need a base in this specific skill set. Start here.

 

TT: It seems a lot of people get hung up on having the best or most popular gear and equipment. What are your general thoughts on EDC, and is there anything specific you think should be a part of a person’s EDC?

I keep things simple and on hand.

-Bic lighter.

-Counter Custody tools spread out on my person.

-A redundancy element escapology tool bundle.

-A dedicated offensive knife ( a Guadaña Knife by Tracker Dan at the moment) and a non magnetic last ditch option ( a carbon fiber punch dagger at the moment)

-Small Multi-tool.

-LED light.

-Cellphone.

-Bandana.

-A blow out kit in my backpack. ( this should be mandatory for everyone)

 

TT: Concerning EDC, you recently designed a knife with Tracker Dan. Can you give us an insight on the design, and why it took the form it did?

It came from conversations between us about preference. I like small Knives.. Very small. I am not at all dueling anyone so I prefer to keep things small and concealable, even when in hand.

The geometry of it is meant for stabbing, hooking and ripping. It’s meant for Pkal or scythe grip and is actually inspired by cock Fighting spurs and small bird beak fruit Knives.

It’s a very urban blade. It’s handle design comes directly form Tracker Dan, it’s a modified version of the one he has used on the Bloodshark knife for years. It’s a very useful design.
TT: I know there has been some controversy regarding some of the material you teach, especially the counter custody and anti-body armor elements. Can you explain why these are important in your teaching, and the environment you operate in?

Basically this material was formulated in a place where even the police abduct people off the street and ask for ransoms or work for the cartels directly. So there is a lot of counter police material in there. Sad part of life here. This is off course alarming to a US audience.

Body armor is common down here as well. Criminals use it all the time. So we developed ways of countering it that again … Are alarming to a Western audience. But it’s just a product of its environment.

 

TT: What is coming up in the future for you?

Going to be doing more seminars stateside, Asia and in Europe are also in my sights.

 

TT: If people want to learn more of your method/ideas, where can they look you up?

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/edsmanifesto/

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/edsmanifesto/

Tumbler:
http://edpoint.tumblr.com/

Twitter:

Triple Aught Design CORE:
(for San Francisco BlackBox Dates)
https://tripleaughtdesign.com/core/black-box

SerePick made BlackBox Counter Custody Tool’s made to BlackBox specifications:
http://www.serepick.com/blackbox

 

TT: Thanks for taking the time for this interview, are there any final thoughts you’d like to bring up?

Yes. Never let anyone dictate what works. Try it out yourself. Free thinkers are the most dangerous people on the planet. Stay dangerous.

 

De-escalation – Dillon Beyer

One of the core issues in conflict resolution and de-escalation is that you have to de-escalate yourself first. Unless you can bring your rational functions on line, any skill you have developed in de-escalating others will be useless. The skill of de-escalating yourself, like any skill, requires practice. The problem we encounter here is that this sort of practice is best done in the environment that requires the skill you are practicing; it’s akin to trying to learn the material during the test.

 Given the potential consequences for failure, this can make finding places to develop skill at de-escalating yourself a dicey prospect at best. This is particularly problematic if you’re seeking out these opportunities intentionally; it turns out that employers, co-workers and employees, friends and family, aren’t always excited to be pulled into social and emotional conflict purely so that you could “get some reps in.” Unless, of course, you have a very particular group of friends, which is a different matter entirely.

Fortunately for us, we live in a world with a nearly perfect environment in which we can routinely practice, relatively free of consequence- the internet. Here is a game I like to play to practice personal de-escalation without much, if any, real risk. Feel free to play along.

————————————————————————————————
Next time you’re in an impassioned debate online, when there’s someone who’s COMPLETELY wrong on the other side of the debate, and you’ve got a good boil going, walk away.

It has to be a debate you’re invested in, on a topic that you really care about. If you don’t have any skin in the game, it’s easy to leave, and you won’t get anything out of it. Make sure it’s a discussion you *really* want to win. The reward will be directly proportional to the ante.

Don’t tell them you’re leaving. Don’t make any parting comment, or any attempt to save face or get in the last word. Just go radio dark.

Don’t go back and look at how the discussion is going without you. See if you can avoid “checking in” altogether.  Make a clean break.

This is the fun part of the game: notice how it makes you feel. Notice your impulses, justifications, and how you rationalize them.

Is there a narrative you create to address any feelings about this you might have? What parts of your brain light up, and how do you deal with that? If you find yourself coming up with strategies to make it easier, can you play without them? Can you just watch the process happen internally without needing to address it?

If played honestly, I think this can help those of us who tell ourselves that we would never get caught up in this sort of nonsense, that we’re not subject to the same impulses as everyone else (those of us who are special snowflakes). If you play with a topic you actually care about, it’s a safe environment to watch your own processes run.

This seems particularly useful if you’re the sort of person who avoids escalation and monkey-dance games primarily by not caring about the people or topics involved. For those of us who are inclined in that direction, the monkey gets triggered infrequently, but that means we may actually have less practice addressing it when it does. If you’ve convinced yourself you’re not subject to a particular weakness, you’ll have a much harder time building the skillset necessary to navigate those waters if (or more likely, when) you find yourself in them.

I Train Therefore I Am – Garry Smith

Since I crashed my motorcycle a month ago I have had a very sore right foot, just the foot below the ankle, it was very swollen and is still a little larger than normal. In the past week I have sprained my left thumb ground fighting and had a nosebleed whilst sparring last Thursday. Luckily the nose held out whilst sparring on Saturday but I did ache a bit afterwards.

It is all minor stuff luckily and we all know pain is only weakness leaving the body……

I guess I still have quite a bit of weakness to get rid of. The thing is I still get a nice feeling when I pop in the gumshield and put on the gloves, It still feels good to stand toe to toe, tap gloves and get the signal to fight, it still feels right to move in and trade, to brawl it out, I am no show-boater. I may puff and pant afterwards but the desire to keep going in is strong.

Nobody is trying to kill one another and it is training with all its safeguards, but you still have to step up to the mark, people are trying to hit you in the face and anywhere else they can. There is no compulsion, we all do this for fun and what we call light is anything but, it is just not full on. If it goes to the ground so be it, the punching continues, no tap outs here. The open mat is good but confined spaces work too, this coming Saturday we will be fighting in the toilet cubicle and in a narrow corridor, there will be a broad range of different experiences, sizes, ages and gender differences.  

It all goes into the mixer, the job of the experienced is to help those with less experience. Training is training, it is not real. Real combat is nasty stuff if you do not end it quickly. It can be costly in so many ways, firstly in damage to your body and mind, as I know to my cost, then comes the aftermath. So bits get hurt now and then and a 57 year old body takes longer to heal than a 27 year old one, sad but true, so why keep doing it? The answer is oh so simple, because I can and it keeps me happy.

Training is part of my life, staying healthy and fit, trust me that is not in an obsessive way, are important to me. Remaining strong as the defender of my family is my main purpose in life, I think. I have a duty as a husband, father and grandfather to protect my clan. Criticise that all you like, and yes I have become the patriarch of the family, it is how it is. It works for us.

We will all have our own individual motivations to train in whatever it is we train in. We will all have our own sense of why we do it, what it means to us. I do not really know what my family, the people I love most, think of what I do bearing in mind teaching Ju Jitsu and Self Defence are both my hobby and my business, I never ask them. I know they think I am slightly mad by riding a motorcycle, (the brand new one should be underneath me as this issue of CM goes out). It is just how I am I suppose, slightly unorthodox.

Recently my youngest daughter stepped back onto the mat to help me teach the Ju Jitsu class my almost 6 year old grandson, her son, now attends. We have 3 generations on the mat now and it is a wonderful feeling that they share my passion. My wife watches as she looks after my daughters 8 month old son it is a bit of a family affair on a Wednesday night.

I will freely admit that when I was 27 I saw people of 57 as old, and they were, because they were socially conditioned to be so. Nowadays 57 is the new 27, in fact it is even better because of the experience we have gained along he way. Yes the body is not the same, wear and tear is an obvious factor, but the mind is less constrained.  I do not measure myself or my performance against a fit 27 year old, that would be unrealistic, but I look to my peers, the people I grew up with and that is where the reference is relevant. Sadly a few are so affected by alcohol and drugs  I wonder how they keep going when their only purpose in life appears to be to consume greater amounts of alcohol and drugs and as my wife periodically reminds me, that could so easily be me had I not met her. Others look and behave like prematurely old men, there is no energy, no vitality in them, their life is a dull routine. Are they happy, maybe they are, who am I to judge, but I can observe.

What I see no longer worries me, it used to, I decided sometime ago to get on and live my life and let others fend for themselves. Somewhere along the way I made an deal with myself to just be me. It worked. I think.

I am no philosopher, I try to educate myself constantly, always craving to add to the body of knowledge that is in my possession already. If I were a philosopher  I would have to think of some great quote that encapsulated my philosophy in a nutshell. But, as I said, I am not.  Maybe I train therefore I am would do it?

Today is not a training day, I have no classes to teach, I am at a bit of a loose end. Yesterday my daughter came round and I played with my 8 month old grandson, he is a strong boy,  even my daughter now admits he looks like me and he does. So as I hold him in my arms I look forward to the day when he gloves up with me and play on the mat like his big brother will soon. I hope I am able to teach them more of the things I have learned and hope they do not have to use it like I did.  

Whatever age you are you need to live life to the full, consolidate existing skills and acquire new ones. Learn from everything you do, everything. I tell my students that every time they train if they improve just 1 thing, however small, then that is a win. Life is not a rehearsal, this is it folks. You have one body, one mind, make good use of them. If you are an instructor then you need to set an example for your students in your training, your behaviour and lifestyle. This does not mean you will get everything right, you will make mistakes, some things will fail. Learn from them and share these experiences too. People need to learn that failure is OK, it is giving up that is not.

Resilience is a vital quality in life, so onwards through the minor injuries, through the mishaps and the odd failure. Do I have any training tips to give? I certainly do, train hard, train because it means something and read quality books and articles to underpin and inform that training. Alternatively simply sit back, switch on the daytime TV and vegetate.

 

Hide in Plain Site – Tammy Yard-McCracken, Psy.D.

Every predator hunts for specific prey.  Humans are no different. We hunt for food and resources and occasionally, other humans. We like to think human predators are limited to violent sociopaths, serial rapists, and other overtly heinous people. We focus our research and training here because these predators are easier to identify than the low level predator subtly working his way into a victim’s life.

Low Level Predators, or “cockroaches” as Anna Valdiserri calls them (nicely done Anna), are invisible until they are crawling around inside multiple layers of their victim’s social contexts. Turn the lights on and they disappear –metaphorically speaking. If you shine light on their actions they will default back into slightly less intrusive scripts or blame their prey as the source of conflict. As Rory mentions in Self-Defense Failure Zone (April 2016, Conflict Manager), they use the same skills you do to navigate social terrain. Evidence of their predation is damned subtle. That little itch you get around the creeper gets ignored because the source of that itch is disguised as normal behavior. 

Rory wrote that a participatory and active mindset has the best shot at shutting creepers down. I agree. And to take action early enough to avoid a cascade of defensive maneuvers (which don’t usually work very well), you have to see it coming. You have to be able to identify the threat, and Low Level Predators camouflage their predation. It’s easier to identify something if you already know a few of the markers, so let me introduce you to Julie, David and Jason*. They can help explain this. 

We’ll start with Julie. She is starting over. Living with friends, she needs to make connections through their community while she gets herself settled. Her housemates introduce her to the neighbors, Paul and Danielle. Julie and Danielle form a tight bond. It takes time, but they become best-friend close. Julie listens and encourages Danielle’s misgivings about her marriage and simultaneously deepens her own friendship with Paul (the husband).

Julie babysits so Paul and Danielle can have alone time. She meets with Paul when he needs advice on how to reconnect with Danielle. Julie suggests he let Danielle explore her bisexual interests to spice up their marriage. Instead, the marriage craters. Danielle moves out of town and Julie goes to visit. Paul pays for Julie’s airfare because she is both broke and the only one who might be able to bring Danielle back to him. Julie visits Danielle and completes the yearlong seduction. Paul and Danielle’s marriage is Julie’s third coup – she has used this hunting pattern before.

Now David:

Katelin is David’s protégé in a finance company.  He is a control freak but helps catapult her into a high profile position. We make a good team. You’re patient with my micromanaging and you know how take the initiative. Because of her patience, he was learning how to dial down the controlling behavior. You’re the first person I have trusted to manage big accounts with little oversight.  Katelin knows she has to pay her dues and bites her tongue when David’s praise is only used to soothe the sting of his sharp criticisms. Long days turn into late nights. David jokes with Katelin, you must be magical- my wife trusts me to work late with you. 

As mentor and supervisor David occasionally enlists Katelin’s feminine intelligence to help him choose a gift for his wife, the one who trusts her to work late with him. Then he discloses he has a woman in his life other than his wife. It’s long term and he loves them both…and then a second mistress emerges and Katelin is buying gifts, sending flowers, for all three. It looks like she has something “on him” now, doesn’t it? But it is the other way around. The way she describes it, David has her hostage. Katelin is pretty sure he will sabotage a job change with a scathing reference if she tries to leave – she is “too valuable” to him.

When Katelin shrugs his hand off her shoulder he belittles the boundary. No offense girl, but you’re just one of the guys. He commandeers a presentation and later explains he was protecting her from a misogynist colleague. He is concerned that her boyfriend is too controlling and tantrums when she refuses his advise to ditch the bastard. When he bullies her for making a mistake, she writes it off as just trying to help her climb the ladder and the tantrums are just his way of showing that he cares. Finally, David gives Katelin an ultimatum: Lose the boyfriend or the job. He thinks the boyfriend is abusive and it is interfering with her focus at work. 

Low level Predators come in as many flavors as we have social scripts. I knew David and Julie. I also knew Ellie and Katelin.  I’m sure there is more to both stories but these are the details I have to share. Their stories also read like case studies and it’s easy to go academic. The problem with taking an academic attitude? We get to distance it. It happens to other people.  So let’s get to know Jason. I can introduce him better because this campfire story is mine. 

My first year out of college I moved into an old upstairs flat a few hours from home for my first big-girl job. On moving day, my downstairs’ neighbor stopped by to introduce himself. He helped my father haul in the heavy stuff and promised to look out for me. Jason shook my dad’s hand and looking at me added – I’m here if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.

In the beginning, we did the neighbor wave when we passed. He checked in to make sure I was finding everything around town. A few weeks later he brought me ‘left overs’ –made dinner for a friend and had extra. When I missed work with the flu, he dropped off some chicken soup. Driving back and forth to visit my fiancé, Jason remarked that he thought my brakes were getting bad- I should have them looked at. He looked in on my cat when I was gone and with each trip pressed the brake issue – I can take a look at them for you. I came home from work one night to find my thermostat stuck in the on position heading for 100 degrees in the dead of winter. He heard me throwing windows open and came to help. None of this flagged, just seemed like a nice guy (maybe a little pushy)– good neighbor behavior.

Passing hellos turned into dialogue. I didn’t really want to chat but he was obviously lonely, never saw him with friends. I felt sorry for him. It won’t kill me to be nice to the guy…

My mail carrier was a friend. He was the first one to say something. He noticed Jason going through my mail. I blew it off. Next, Jason showed up on my doorstep with a vase of flowers, saying they were left over from something at his mother’s house.

He knew things about my friends, my job, and my routines that struck me as a little over-informed but we lived in a small town. In a small town if you forget what you’re doing just ask a neighbor…

Then one morning my phone rang. It was Jason. Hey, you okay? You’re usually in the shower by now, didn’t want you to be late for work. Thought maybe you’d overslept. 

Now I was paying attention and it was too late to be anything but reactive. More flowers. I refused. He left them anyway. Sent them to my work. Shamed me for not accepting them. He would coincidentally be at the grocery store when I was. When I changed my routines he found reasons to be out in the alley behind our flat when I was coming home.  Grabbed my groceries from my car and insisted on carrying them up. 

When I set hard boundaries he cowed. Asked to talk, wanted to make amends, apologize. Nice people forgive. I granted the audience. He leaned against the inside of my door blocking the exit. We’re going to get married, you and I. He explained I would eventually see that we were destined for each other–I would come to my senses. The wedding I was planning was for him, not my fiancé, I just hadn’t figured it out yet, but he had detailed plan of how it was going to go down.

Jason played on all the social scripts that worked to get close to me. He waited until we had a solid neighborly relationship and set the stage by putting my dad’s paternal fears at ease as ad hoc oversight. When I set boundaries he complied, sulked and then escalated from a different angle. It ended because I married my fiancé after all and left the state. Stalking was not a crime until it went physical in the 80’s – and by textbook analysis, it was headed there. 

Low Level Predators use a broad range of social tactics to hunt. Julie played on the intimacy of female friendship. David used position and status. Jason played out a toxic version of the boy-meets-girl romance script. David and Julie both blamed their prey for the ensuing chaos. What Jason’s story was – I can only guess. I never went back to ask. What’s important is this: they all felt unjustly accused. It’s possible they were authentically unconscious. Even so, allowing creeping victimization** to pass without impunity is not a social script anyone should follow.

Welcome to the problem. Low level predatory behavior is insidious. The scripts are being followed and creeping victimization gets a pass. For everything being written on violence, on this subject our depth of game is, what? Thin? That’s an understatement. We talk about the “cockroaches” when we see them, but we don’t ask the hard questions and we don’t get deep enough to look for their patterns. We don’t ask and we don’t look because doing so requires getting our hands dirty.

I want to ask questions like; when the victim gains from the relationship (Katelin’s career did advance substantially), is there a point when it ceases to be victimization? With Julie and Ellie, is there a point where Ellie becomes a collaborator instead of Julie’s target? And when I ask these questions, am I victim blaming?

How about this, if talking about Low Level Predators doesn’t actually benefit anyone then isn’t it just mental masturbation? If people are going to benefit, we need to start looking at the Low Level Predator patterns and see if there are reliable tells. Then if the tells are reliable, we need to ask if those tells are consistent enough to be useful. I agree Rory’s active mindset has the best shot at shutting creepers down and if that’s going to be a coachable skill we need to get our hands dirty.
*For obvious reasons the names are fictitious but the people are real.

**Creeping Victimization is a phrase Rory used in the previous referenced article.

 

Street Survival: Tactics for Armed Encounters by Charles Remsberg – Reviewed by Tim Boehlert

Get the book

Charles Remsberg

Calibre Press – Kindle Edition 2016

If you want to step up your game, improve your security stance, and increase your chance of surviving a violent encounter, you owe it to yourself and your family to educate yourself. Reading this book would make a great start.

It was first published in 1980 for the Law Enforcement Community, and I am assuming that it was written after too many Police Officers had been killed in the line of duty. Studies had been conducted that found their mistakes and identified the source of many of those mistakes made.

This book also served to launch a travelling road-show called Street Survival, which sought to correct a lot of the common mistakes that officers had made in the field. To that end, the Street Survial series of books served for many years as required reading in many academies.

I was lucky enough about 6 years ago to come across more than one reference to these ‘lost books while doing my own research to keep myself safe. These books contain a lot of great information. In these books you will find much of what we study and take for granted today. The adage, “Study the Old, to Understand The New” applies here. We didn’t invent this stuff.

One of the biggest challenges of learning anything is that you need to look behind the curtain and question many aspects of it – why does it work, what makes it work, why is that knowledge perhaps more important than the knowledge itself? If you want to learn anything, take ownership for your  own endeavors and effort. Ultimately, only you are responsible for you. Own that.

Much of what we train today, is not new, or original as you may be lead to believe. Exploring older books can lead you to some ‘new’ discoveries – tactics, techniques, philosophies, principles. This book is 36 years old, and yet there is a ton of relevant information in it that still applies and holds up today.

Below I’ve highlighted just a portion of what I think is still relevant and useful for self-defense, and I hope you do too!

Some of the many ideas found within the first volume of this series and which are worth reiterating here are:

 

  • The combination for survivability in the street is a combination of your abilities and what you have been taught. That is NOT a one-way street. You will be provided with only so much based on budgetary restrictions, the rest is on you. Too many professionals rely strictly on what they will be provided by their employer. In our world, that’s you. You may need to justify what you think is a reasonable amount of funding to keep yourself and your clan safe, but don’t sell that short. Here’s an example: I work five days a week trying to keep myself safe, my company safe, and our clientele safe. I spend annually between $1k-$2k to achieve that goal. That money is mostly for training. That training consists of books, videos, seminars primarily. This fits my needs, but does not maximize them necessarily. This will hold true for all of us. BUT, I am making the effort to keep my education moving forward, and ever-expanding, and honing in on specific skill-sets that I require due to environmental needs. That leaves holes in my plan that you could drive a semi through, but that’s life. You can’t possibly plan for everything, but if you can narrow down your specific threats, you can assure that you will prevail under those sets of circumstances, and MAY be prepared for others based on your learning.

 

  • Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t or that it won’t happen to you. Complacency affects all of us in some way. Don’t let it settle in. Don’t tell yourself a story that just because statistics say it’s likely to never happen that it wont or that you aren’t the one it will happen to. Take a reality check and let that sink in. You, and only you are responsible for yourself.

 

  • Be prepared. Again, that falls into several categories, but in my opinion being prepared mentally is at the top of that list. This covers awareness, but it also cover physical and emotional realms as well. Don’t be that guy/gal.

 

  • You don’t get to decide that the BG (Bad Guy) is going to do, UNLESS you can. Violence is a very broad set of rules and you don’t get to know which ones are in effect, nor which ones will be on the table when the SHTF. Know that you dont know, and be good with that. Make peace with that and move forward with your plan to shut it down.

 

  • Come to terms with your moral and psychological considerations BEFORE you get into it. Really spend some time examining yourself and your capabilities and responsibilities. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Just because you should, is it legally justifiable? Spend a lot of your time doing what-if scenarios in your head – where it’s safer to make mistakes.

 

  • Force is not the answer to everything – there are alternatives that you need to arm yourself with. Learn some basic verbal skills, de-escalation, tactical communications, verbal judo – it’s all about NOT having to use your physical abilities on another, and it’s legally your required first step of use-of-force when it’s applicable.

 

  • What you think about violence isn’t necessarily the reality of what it will be – for you. Many things happend during ‘an event’ that you haven’t even begun to consider. Add to that mixture the fact that you haven’t practiced much of what you know nearly enough to handle this situation. Throw in your reactions – chemical dump, emotional upheaval, environmental booby-traps, multiple goals, etc… it gets complicated in the blink of an eye, and a lot goes through your head or it doesn’t. Have you prepared yourself for any of that?

 

  • “Training to face reality takes extra time, extra energy, extra creativity.” A direct quote from Carl Remsberg. It’s not only important in formal training, but in what you do everyday. You need to make the effort to move yourself forward on your on time as well as when you’re ‘in play.’

 

  • Have you truly assessed your capabilities and your dependence or independence of deploying a weapon? Do you know your weapon intimately? DO you know your ability to use that weapon on another human being intimately? Do you understand the aftermath? Some very heady things to work on, now!

 

  • Hands. They are what will hurt you. Agreed, but there is a larger picture to consider as well – being blind-sided is one of those possibilities. You can’t always be ON, but you need to raise your level of awareness, and educate yourself on everything that MAY keep you safe. Whether it’s learning more about knives and knifers, or guns – handguns, long-guns, ammunition. Try to educate yourself to the extent that your friends will get a little uncomfortable about how much you know and the things that you find interesting. THEN you might be ahead of the game, just a little.

 

  • Educate yourself not just in Martial Arts, but in Military Martial Arts, and Police Marital Arts. Learn about the OODA loop, about the Awareness Color Code. OODA alone will make you more capable IF you have digested it, and keep it in the forefront of your mind.

 

  • Practice is always good, and the more realistic it can be, within reason where injuries are uncommon, but not unexpected, but it’s not the same thing. Realize that it’s not real, but a pale substitute. It’s not like being there, and doing it. There are many, many aspects of being there and doing it that you’ll only get after you’ve been there and done that, that’s when all of the training starts to make sense, to make you go back and revisit or reassess.

 

  • You will find that one guy that is willing to die rather than to submit. Have you even considered that his goal is not your goal?

 

  • Don’t be afraid to criticize yourself. We’ve all done it. Try not to be your own worst critic, but take a healthy dose of ‘I told you so…’ and learn from it, move forward.

 

  • Keep moving. Don’t wait for reaction or results. MAKE results happen. Overwhelm and win.

 

  • Weapons – study them, get intimate. Learn as much as possible, for you may end up  having one in your hands when you least expect it.

 

  • Study your adversary. Learn what makes him tick, try to put yourself in his/her shoes, and understand what their motivations may be. Study your enemy, for they’ve already studied you.

 

  • Learn your targeting. Understand as much as possible what the right target is and what the right weapon is for that target. The goal is usually to stop the violence as quickly as possible, but do you have a solid legal foundation for that goal? Is this social or asocial violence? The targets and tools will be different perhaps?

 

  • Train under stress, fear if possible. No one can really tell you what that is like – it’s different for everyone, and likely different under every circumstance.

 

  • ‘Practice at surviving.’ Don’t become complacent.

 

  • ‘Patterns of instruction’ should ‘match patterns of encounter’ – train for the most likely encounters?

 

  • Under the stress of combat, and that’s what fighting encompasses, you will ‘revert without thinking to the habits you have learned in training.’ Agreed, and one important thing to consider here – if it ain’t working, move on. Don’t be the guy that continues to repeat the same ‘move’ and expects different results.

 

  • Don’t fight like you train, and therein lies the rub. As an example, don’t spar. Sparring trains into you some very bad habits – pulling your strikes – only hitting at X% of power, stopping after scoring a point, and other ‘rules’ that will work against you. It may cost you dearly. This also includes – don’t WAIT for results – keep moving, keep doing damage until the threat stops.

 

  • Learn about spatial relationships – proximity. Test your variables, test your ability to work within certain distances and environmental constrictions. Rory Miller is a proponent of ‘In Fighting’ – I’d only heard that once before in my years of training, and it didn’t make sense the first time, until I explored the larger possibilities behind that simple phrase. Explore.

 

  • Most confrontations are over quickly – seconds at best. Work smartly within that time constraint. Work to that goal as well.

 

  • Reaction to recognition is key to victory. The quicker you can respond, the better your chances are. Get beyond the DENIAL hurdle and your over the first large hurdle in your way. This takes practice, practice, practice. It starts with excellent awareness, and anticipation. Don’t daydream when you’re ‘on.’

 

  • Don’t expect your assumed authority to work in your favor – bouncer, security, owner, etc… that may be the impetus to action and the fuel for the fire that is about to light you up.

 

  • Criminals train more than you do, most likely.

 

  • Don’t expect rationality or compassion from your opponent.

 

  • Their desperation and your constraints are not equal but are opposing forces internally.

 

  • Don’t hesitate to act based on what you think. Your gut feeling may be the only thing that saves you. For the uninitiated, read Gavin de Becker’s THE GIFT.

 

  • If you are to survive, you need to be aggressive, and take chances.

 

  • Don’t give up. It’s been proposed that many officers died in the line-of-duty because they ‘thought’ they were going to based on some subconscious ‘understanding.’ Being hurt is not the same as being out of the fight. It’s time for Plan B!

 

  • Never let your guard down. Even if you’ve overcome one or many opponents/threats, don’t become blase about your abilities to overcome. Always be vigilant. There is always someone that will surprise you and possibility defeat you. Be realistic, not complacent.

 

  • You should walk out of your house/business with survival as the most important thing on your mind.

 

  • ‘Let the circumstances dictate the tactics, not vice versa.’ True Dat!

 

  • Always be rehearsing mentally. It’s as important if not more-so than hitting the gym or the Dojo, in my opinion. As an example, I have personally watched a video on a specific technique, that I only mentally rehearsed before having to actually deploy it, on more than one occasion. In Japanese culture, I believe that that is referred to as Mushin – without mind. It works, and don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Your mind is your best tool – develop it. Survival instinct is string, and your mind WILL take over when all else fails.

 

  • “Whenever possible, you want to cultivate tactics that are unexpected, to be ‘systematically unsystematic.'” HUH? Yeah, something more for you to explore! Have fun!

 

  • There will always be a clue, if you’re aware, that it’s about to go down. Learn those clues – body language, non-verbals, physiology. If you have a better understanding of your opponent, knowing them perhaps more intimately, you have your baseline to gauge by, otherwise… pay attention and look for the subtle, micro clues.

 

  • “Uneventful familiarity breeds complacency.” Just because it hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t. Keep your wall up!

 

  • Keep your head on a swivel and your ears on. Always be ‘scanning.’

 

  • Watch for the ‘grooming’ or ‘comfort’ touch – signs of nervousness. Grooming is done to comfort the person doing the grooming, perhaps to work up the courage to strike. A Comfort touch is to reassure the threat that his weapon is still there.

 

  • Always look for the most likely places that someone would carry a weapon when being approached. Do it to everyone to stay in practice and make it a part of what you do as your norm.

 

  • Keep a safety zone around you at all times. They have suggested 36″. I think it depends on you solely, and whom you face.

 

  • “Repetition of good tactics forms good tactical habits.’ Amen, right?

 

  • Control what you can.

 

  • “Human nature is very predictable.” Maybe in context, or maybe if you have studied it in depth. I think otherwise mostly sometimes. Does that even make sense?

 

  • “you must be ready to execute it without hesitation.” In the context of use of force – you must commit fully once you have decided to act. Totally agree. I have done otherwise, and gotten what should have been expected results. If you don’t fully commit, then you are holding back. If you hold back, you lose advantage. If you lose advantage, you also lose surprise. Its a crap shoot after that. Good luck, you’ll need it!

I’ll explore Volume 2: The Tactical Edge in a future article!

tim boehlert

tim@avinardia.com

© Copyright 2016

 

 

Less Stress Seminars – Toby Cowern

I recently had a great discussion with a number of instructors about organizing and running seminars. Seminars are exceptionally commonplace in many industries and depending on the organization and instructors involved will run to widely varying standards.

One of the points we discussed in detail was ‘new’ students who maybe attending a seminar for the first time and have little or no experience or background in the subjects too be covered.

While it is always great to have new people interested in the subject you teach, there is potential for things to go awry if the student is unaware of expected behavior.

One of the things I routinely do for courses I run is provide a comprehensive set of ‘Joining Instructions’ that provide details on logistics, equipment, itinerary and expectations for the course. While some seminars do not need this level of detail, it strikes me that providing a clear and simple ‘Guidance List’ is of great benefit to students and Instructors alike. With some great help form my peers the following list was produced as a ‘start point’ for communicating ‘Seminar Standards’ to Students.

1) Be a little early on the (first) day. This gives you time to get orientated and complete any necessary paperwork/payments.

2) Be punctual for all other timings given, especially breaks. You don’t want to wait for the instructor. The instructor and other students do not want to wait for you.

3) Be clean. Bring fresh clothes for each day, especially if it is a multi-day seminar.

4) For sensitive or personal questions consider waiting for a break or when the instructor is alone before asking.

5) Combined with 4. THINK about the suitability of your questions. If unsure begin your question with ‘Is it OK if I ask about….’. Some instructors are happy to talk about profound subject (e.g. Killing. MOST are not…)

6) ASK before taking photos/video footage, unless this is clearly covered in the opening brief.

7) Keep the questions relevant to the discussed subject.

8) Realize that this is a learning event for everyone, attendees and instructors alike. Be patient, try, and be there for the right reason.

9) If you’re confused about etiquette it’s ok to ask a more experienced person.

10) If you don’t want to participate in a particular activity it’s fine to sit it out and observe, as long as you don’t disrupt the class.

11) Don’t think you know more than everyone else in the room, or persistently question the instructor’s techniques comparing them to something else you saw in another seminar.

12) Be responsible for your own safety and welfare.

Finally, where appropriate, specific guidance should be given on the carry, use and handling of weapons (and training weapons) Ensure students are aware of the ‘Weapon Rules’.
-Look but don’t touch.
-Don’t handle without the owner’s explicit permission.
-Don’t draw a blade without telling people that you are drawing.

I hope the list is of use, and we in the Conflict Research Group encourage you to use and add to the list as you see fit. If you have ideas you would like to share on things that can be added to the list, head over to our Conflict Manager Facebook group and leave us a comment!